The 1239 Mt. Vernon Club Expertease

Our audience tonight is composed mostly of peacemakers, and that's your Expertise! Spelled wrong? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong, the podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Expert comedy writer Clare Sera and expert comedy writer Danno Sullivan bring their expertise to other unrelated expertises. Clare Sera, you are an expert in the 1239 Mount Vernon Club, a peacemaking organization geared toward making peace. And so I thought we could probe your area of expertise. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the podcast Expertise, spelled wrong.

I'm your host, Danno Sullivan, and my special guest today, Clare, I'm speaking about Clare, not too Clare, my special guest today is Clare Sera, expert in and founder of the 1239 Mount Vernon Club. Thank you. I just want to say how much I admire the organization you've created for people in towns across America who happen to live at 1239 Mount Vernon Street in their individual town or city. How did you come up with this remarkable idea to bring people together? Peace begins at home, Danno. And those are a lot of homes. I believe that Mount Vernon is one of the most popular street names in all of America.

And peace is one of the most popular desires in all of America, Danno. And I brought those things together by saying, if peace begins at home and there are more homes at 1239 Moint Voinin, is just kind of a cute way that we have. I'm saying. That is cute. I see why you'd want to bring that to the forefront. You know, peace, peace is cute. Peace is joyful. Peace is playful. So we say it all kinds of ways. Sometimes you say 1239 Mount Vernon. But that's just part of, that's part of the. That must be part of the outreach to bring people in when they see how lighthearted an organization like this can be.

Yes. Yeah. I'm sure that folks are ready to open their home doors to invite you in and let you proselytize as it were about the, the ways of peace that you promote. Yeah. We call it peace-letizing. So how did you choose to peace-letize specifically to this one address, 1239 Mount Vernon at cities around the nation? Why not go door to door in one neighborhood where people are physically close to each other? Well, as I said to my husband before I kicked him out, 1239 Mount Vernon is going to be a piece of place from now on. Get out you dirty bastard. And, um, he took three of the children with him.

And from that day, I did start to feel a real sense of happiness and peace in my own life. So you felt like that could apply to other residents of other 1239 Mount Vernon. Yes. I felt that if this is true of my home, it's going to be true of other homes. And I have found that in specificity is largesse. I have t-shirts that say that if you could put a link in your show notes, you'll get those in the show notes. Of course it's not. Peace has to, has to have boundaries. And this is where a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that peace is, it's a vast ocean of nothingness.

Peace is pretty specific. In specificity comes largesse. You know, I know that to be true because I saw it on a shirt. Thank you. So, Claire, I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that peace is only for residents of someone who lives at one of the 1239 Mount Vernon streets. I used to live on a Mount Vernon street. As I mentioned, it's the most popular street name in America. But I lived across the street at 1236. You were what we call peace adjacent. Peace adjacent. You were peace adjacent. Well, I would like to think of myself as peaceful. I would like to have peace.

I would like to be at peace. I would like to provide peace. But by being peace adjacent, no one peaceful-tized me. Well, this peace is not for you, Dan. Oh, so you have a separate peace. You could have what we call a piece of the peace, but you would not be the source of the peace. The source of the peace comes from 1239 Mount Vernon, Pennsylvania, 25000. I think you just did most of a Glenn Miller song. Yeah. He's our chosen composer for our, we have an anthem, of course. Yeah. So this, this is a much bigger, better organized organization than I realized. If you have a on-staff composer who's been dead since the 1940s.

Peace knows no bounds, Dan. No, no, no. And where to be more peaceful than resting in. Exactly. Thank you. Yes. Most of our, what we call founding members are dead. Oh, I see. Yeah. Including my husband. Oh, Tony, the bastard that you threw out. That's right. Yeah. Was he dead when you threw him out or did he die afterward? He died in transit. Yeah. But that's, that's not a very peaceful topic and there is some litigation. So maybe if we could just stick to 1239 Mount Vernon. Now, do the members of the 1239 Mount Vernon society ever get together? Oh yes. Every year we have a grand reunion.

At 1239 Mount Vernon? Exactly. Which one? That's for members only, Danno. Oh. Yeah, we have a grand reunion and oh my gosh, it's great. The kids love it. We've got balloon animals. We've got peace pipes. Peace pipes? Yes. For the kids? You know, for the young at heart. Usually the peace pipe in Native American societies was used by the warriors. So do you have warriors within your organization? We have warriors for peace. Peace warriors. Yes. The mightiest warriors of all. Exactly. They are the rainbow troop, we call them. And they, they do have the authority to enforce peace.

They are peace officers and they have been deputized. To enforce peace. To enforce peace. So what would that look like? What's a typical peace enforcement look like? Say we're at a park having our very peaceful, very joyful, quiet, etiquette based peace. I read about some of the peace bonfires. Yes. Would it be like something like that? Exactly. Big, big bonfires. Well, you know, peace is big and our message is big and there's nothing more peaceful than a park that's been burned to the ground after a day of the peace society being there. There's nothing left to make noise.

So you're creating a world for yourself there at the park that is, is nothing but pieces of peace. Pieces of peace. I like that, Dan. We're going to put that on a t-shirt. It'll be $14.99. Get that in the show notes for you. Thank you. So where would the peace officer come into play here? Well, the peace officer is the one that keeps anyone who's trying to stop this raging fire from taking over the entire park. Say you're a fireman. A fireman. Yeah. You know, coming in with a hose. With a hose. Come on. That's really disrupting our peace. It's loud. It's wet. It's powerful.

Firemen are so close-minded when it comes to things like fires. Yes. They rage against them. Where's the peace in that? They fight fire and we are just against fighting of any nature. Has there been any loss of life in any of these fires? Oh, yes. Well, and as you mentioned, I guess that's the most peaceful peace of all. Of course, there has been no human loss of life. I would clarify that immediately. You know, other than Tony, there has been nobody that has been taken out in the name of peace. How did Tony feel about your activities? I know that you personally didn't get along that well, but did he follow the precepts of the 1239 Mount Vernon Peace Society?

Unfortunately, Tony and peace never met. Let me just put it that way. All right. Tony wouldn't know peace if it punched him in the face. So let me move over to maybe a less controversial aspect of your organization. Claire, my stepmother used to always buy return address labels pre-printed with the home address, which, as I mentioned, was 1236 Mount Vernon Street. Yes. That was a little fundraiser for a club we belong to called the 1236 Mount Vernon Club. It was not a peace club like yours. It was a return address stickers club. Oh, interesting. The idea was simply that we would all pool our funds, all the residents of 1236 Mount Vernon from all around the nation.

We'd pool all our money into one account and then we'd get this discount because we were buying so many return address labels. I don't mean to point out a flaw in that logic. I'm sure it must have worked out if you did it year after year. But wouldn't the postal code be different in each of those labels? You're pointing out what was a very obvious flaw after the first three or four years. The end result was we would just get the first part of the address pre-printed on the labels, 1236 Mount Vernon, and then you'd fill in the blanks for the city, state and postal code or zip code, as it came to be known.

Quite a bit of work. But you saved so much work by not having to write 1236 Mount Vernon each time you sent a letter. So I'm just wondering if maybe there's an economic aspect to an organization like yours that would help fund the peace. Oh, there's definitely an economic aspect to the 1239 Mount Vernon Peace Society dot com slash GoFundMe. And that is to mostly fund my missing alimony checks from Tony. Oh, since the demise of Tony. Yeah. Well, the disappearance. Is Tony legally obligated to be paying alimony at this point, or is this just something that you're thinking he should be paying?

Well, I think he should be legally obligated. He took the kids. He disappeared after I kicked him out of the house and left me high and dry. Claire, for someone who preaches peace in a non-religious way, you sound like a very violent person. Oh, well, I actually don't think, Dano, that violence and peace are contradictory states of being. They're completely opposite. In what way? Violence is violence and peace is peace. Do I have to explain it any more than that? So you are saying that you don't agree with the violence of peace treaty or the manifesto that we have written at 1239 Mount Vernon on peace by all means possible, including a punch to the face.

I guess what it boils down to is I do agree with your concepts, but I don't agree with your definitions. Okay, that's fine. I mean, as long as you show up at the next house burning party, you will be accepted into the 1239 Mount Vernon Peace Society. And we've opened it up. You don't have to live at 1239 Mount Vernon anymore. If you are willing to put down $12.39 to become a subscribed member. Yeah, that's a very open minded. Yeah. And if you can't hear the sarcasm in my voice, it sounds like a money grab for somebody who needs the alimony. Well, you don't sound like you're in a very peaceful state of mind at the moment.

If you don't mind me saying, I feel there's an edge to your voice. And here I am coming on your program to promote peace, a peaceful way of being. Here's what I'm sensing, Claire. You know, men in this world get no peace. Men at every turn are accused of toxic masculinity. What I'm hearing right now is some sort of ERA version of toxic masculinity for women. Danno, you are trying to bring me, a peace loving person, down on your podcast because you are threatened by my ways of going about it. It's typical. By your toxic masculinity, Claire. That's what I'm threatened by.

Danno, peace does not have a gender. Whoa. That's also, it's on a t-shirt, $14.99. I'll get that in the show notes. Thank you. Um, if I may ask, what's your marital status, Mr. Peace Man? Yeah. Thrice married. Mm-hmm. Twice denied. To three individuals. Why do you ask? Well, and how are your alimony payments being made? Oh, no, no, no. Never divorced. Still married. Now, I don't, I don't believe that's legal in the state of Pennsylvania. I believe that love crosses all bounds and crosses all legalities. So you claim to be a proponent for peace. I claim to be a proponent for love.

I believe that my love is more powerful than your peace. I have not had to throw out any of my Tonys. May I, might I propose that you... Go ahead. Number four. Did you just accept on the air? My proposal? Am I legally bound now? Yeah. And I believe I'm about to be in for alimony payment number five. Trapped. All right, folks, let's grab that tin of gasoline. Come this way. The Expertise, spelled wrong, podcast is free and like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.com and follow us in your favorite podcast app.

Like the expert podcast listener we know you are. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have reached the end of our podcast. This did not turn out at all the way I expected. On behalf of my three wives, Cheryl, Rolanda, and Vicki, and now Claire, I'd like to thank everyone for tuning in. If you can spare a dollar or two to send to the alimony fund, you know we'd appreciate it. To the gentle crooning of peace in the valley, we bid you all a good night.