Clare’s Other Podcast About Plumbing

Warning, this is not the Expertise podcast. This is an illegally recorded phone conversation about the Expertise podcast. By listening, you are a party to that illegality. And that's the best kind of party there is. Hello, Clare. It's Danno, Danno Sullivan, your podcast partner. Which Danno? Danno Sullivan, your podcast partner. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was Dan O'Sullivan, my plumber. I've been having some leaky pipes. Yeah, so I've heard. How's your plumbing podcast going anyway? We are, our subscriptions are climbing so high. We're having a tough time keeping up with it.

Well, Clare, I'm glad that you brought up your plumbing podcast because I know you've been so busy with all the podcasting that you do. You may not have even noticed that this is the anniversary of our own podcast. Congratulations to you. Oh, my gosh. Thank you, Dan. Congratulations back to you. An anniversary. What is the first year anniversary? Is it paper, metal? Oh, it's not our first year. I'm sorry. I didn't specify. It's the anniversary of your plumbing podcast that I've been listening to for a year. Which has been going on for about five years. So it's your one-year listening anniversary to an old podcast.

I'm so excited for both of us. I'm really thrilled because I feel like it's not just Voices in the Wind. We're really helping people with the plumbing podcast. I think Voices in the Wind is a wonderful name for your plumbing podcast. Do you remember, Clare, when we auditioned for the Expertise podcast? Oh, gosh. I was a bundle of nerves. Oh, my gosh. I was too. And it was just thrilling to meet so many other people that were, you know, into this whole hosting a podcast idea. I remember you had driven down from Michigan. Yes. And I had come up from Oklahoma.

Right. Neither of us lived in those states, but we drove from there for good luck. Yeah. That turned out good luck for us. And I don't know who you auditioned with first, you know, because I'm assuming you went through two or three, as did I, as they whittled down the hosts. Right. Yes. I met Cesar was the first judge. Oh, my gosh. That's right. He was being considered as the male host. Cesar himself? Yeah. Oh, he would have been fantastic. I know. I can't believe I got the job over Cesar. Who did you meet with? Well, I auditioned with Chris Pine. Chris Pine. Balled on top and balled on the sides and balled in the back.

Yeah. Is that Chris Pine? Yeah. Yeah. Balled all around except for one spot. So did you audition with Chris Pine or for Chris Pine? Well, I started auditioning with him. And he was so good that they moved him up? Actually, Daniel, the opposite. He was fired. So he took over. So he worked his way up the ladder just that fast. Well, you know what they say in Hollywood, you fail upwards. And I watched it happen right in front of my eyes with Chris Naughty Pine. So what do you think won the producers over and got you the job? Maybe your voice? That could have played into it a little bit.

Because I feel like in my case, I know I was off-putting personally. I'd had no opportunity for grooming after that long drive from Oklahoma. My clothes were hand-me-down because, you know, I come from poor stock, Claire. But, I mean, that's really appealing in the podcast world. Well, I think what they love is knowing that they have a face that's unpresentable in a medium where no one sees your face. Yeah. And they seem to sort of thrive on the dichotomy there. Even though I know that, you know, I repelled them personally. Yes. I feel like it was my voice that just won them over.

You know, I've got this rich, deep European accent. Yes. I think it charms the ladies. Right. Intimidates the men. Yeah. And fascinates the children. I think that sums it up. Your rich European accent is sometimes hard for me to understand, even after all this time working together. Yeah. And I guess they did, in the end, like two rich, European-accented, poor, ugly people. Claire, I do have some good news about the podcast. Oh, great, Danno. I think your popularity from Voices on the Wind has been trickling over and increasing the popularity of our own podcast.

Oh. So I got a cable from Chris Naughty Pine earlier today asking if we would be willing to undertake a publicity tour for the podcast. What do you say? Oh, gosh. I have not left my home in a long time. I mean, that's the beauty of podcasting. You can do it. Right. This would be in person, you know, shopping centers. We have a Korean boy band that would be opening for us. Oh, I do love that. I love those dances. Yeah. It's really tempting, but I'm a little nervous, to be honest. How many cities? Yeah, so it would be a 10-city tour, but also a seven-suburb tour.

Seven suburbs. And then it would be a 12-village tour and a 19-Hamlets tour. But, you know, Chris Naughty Pine has it all laid out on a grid for us. We'd be able to travel from hamlet to village to suburb to city, probably do four of these events in a day, just like that. Four in a day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, our podcast typically lasts only about 10 minutes. Oh, that's right. I always forget that. So travel time, you know, let's say two hours between stops. The K-pop band does like a 40-minute warm-up for us. Okay. And then we come on and we do our podcast just right there, like in a shopping center, in the cities anyway, at a hamlet.

It might be at a blacksmith shop. Right. Or an antique emporium. It sounds very exciting. And I'm assuming that we have like one of those fancy buses to tour with, you know? Well, how did you get from Michigan when you auditioned? Well, it happened one night that I hitchhiked all the way. Well, good news then, since you're an old pro with this, that's exactly how we've been asked to handle this tour. Now, we will only be able to hitchhike to vehicles that can carry the two of us, all our podcasting equipment, and then the six members of Jambalaya, the K-pop band.

You know what? I'm going to say this sounds so exciting that I'm going to commit. I'm going to say yes to it, even though I was a little bit nervous to leave my room. Claire, no, no, no. You've completely misunderstood. You do not need to leave your room. Claire, they're so worried about our homely aspects that we would just, instead of attracting crowds, we'd be repelling crowds. So they've hired attractive actor stunt doubles to portray us in the podcast episodes. That is such a great idea to have like handsome man and a beautiful woman. Are they like lip syncing?

We have to provide a script for them that they'll be able to read. But we don't write our podcast. No, no, no. I understand that, Claire. Right. I'm the other half of the podcast here, right? I know how we do it. There's no script, right? No. We bring a guest on and we ask real questions. We ask real questions in real time. And then we get real answers and have a real conversation. It's not written in advance. Not written in advance. No, no. That's my line, Claire. Oh, sorry. Hold on. It is not written in advance. Nor scripted beforehand. That was my line. It seems redundant.

We need to edit this before we go on. Let's cross that out. Yeah. It is not written in advance, Claire. Perfect. I like that. I like the silence there. Sort of a meaningful break. It sounds so rich and European that way. So, accepting the idea that we do not, what we'll do is we'll take some of our old podcasts and transcribe them and use those as scripts for the actors to use. Danno, if fans of Expertise are coming out to hear Expertise Live, they're going to have heard those old podcasts. All right. What we'll do is we'll give those scripts to the K-pop band to interpret through dance and music.

Well, that I love. I'm 100% on board for that. But I'm thinking that for the handsome man and woman hosts of the podcast, I think that in order to keep the spirit of what we do, we should be there, but down in front where only they can see us, hidden from the audience. Oh, right. And they can wear dark glasses, which they squint through, so they're not appalled at our very abhorrence. Oh, sure. We wear bags on our head. It won't be the first time. That's how I met Heavy Slabs of Pete. But if we are creating a podcast in that moment, they can have those fancy earbuds where they can hear what we are saying.

I don't want to be the negative one, Claire, but that sounds really complicated to me. What I would like to do is just simplify the whole thing. I'm going to suggest to Cesar and to Chris Notty Pine that we eliminate the handsome actor and actor because, God, don't you hate them, Claire? I just hate handsome actors. Those handsome people just going around. Being out with their face. It's really annoying. And making people just love them. They stand up and people love them. They just stand there and people applaud. They glint. How about also if we say only our listeners can be hideously formed people?

Wait, what? How does that work? Well, I mean, I think that our people should be like us. I don't want to be thinking that I'm out there podcasting to, you know, strong-jawed, big-eyelashed fancies. They're the worst. Strong-jawed fancies. So, it sounds like one way or another we'll be able to do this tour to promote the podcast. Yeah. I've been asked specifically that you not mention Voices of the Wind just as a conflict of interest, right? Right, yes. Yeah, yeah. You know, they want to do kind of a publicity thing around the idea that we'll be meeting exactly halfway between Michigan, where you'll be hitchhiking from, and Oklahoma, where I'll be driving up in a 1973 Volkswagen Beetle.

Love it. Top down, baby. Oh, a cabriolet. I'm doing that in hopes of some of my facial skin chafing in the wind as I drive, thinking that when people observe my hideous facade, they will attribute it just to being weatherbeaten. Oh, Dan, one last question. Can there be a seven-second delay between what we say and what the actors repeat as part of the podcast, in case you go on one of your, you know, questionable rants? Oh, there already is, Claire. I'm on a seven-second delay, even when I talk with you. Oh, great. You see what I mean? Yes, perfect. There it is.

If you can see my lips moving and not hear anything, that's me cursing up a storm. Okay. Well, this has been really fun reminiscing with you, Claire, and planning for the future all in one call. I know that when we get together and talk this way, it's usually business, business, business, but sometimes it's, you know, it's good to reflect and good to plan. Yeah, we covered a lot of personal ground, although, you know, it's actually, it was all of my personal ground. Believe me, when you've got personal ground, you've got personal ground. I sit around the ground.

I sit around the ground.