The Secret Love Life of a Podcaster

Warning! This is not the Expertise podcast. This is an illegally recorded phone conversation about the Expertise podcast. By listening, you are a party to that illegality. And that's the best kind of party there is. Hi, Danno. Oh, hi, Clare. First things first, before we enter, you know, this is a new year for us. Year two. This is year two of our pod-trip-ineurial enterprise. Well, I just wanted for us to have a check-in. You know, we took a little time off over the summer. You know what, Clare? This is an opportunity for something that I've always wanted to do.

You see this in old movies all the time. And it would never occur in real life, but I'm going to try it. So, we haven't seen each other for, what, it's been eight weeks? Yeah, the summer. Yes. Oh, hey, Clare. Hi, Danno. You're looking good. Thanks, Danno. You look tan. You got a little sunshine this summer? Yeah. Everything okay? Oh, sure, sure. You know, the usual kids are going to school and getting ready. Yeah, well, you're looking good, you know. Thanks, thanks. Back at you. You all set for fall? Okay. See, I don't think you're picking up my vibe. It's probably my acting skills.

You know, I don't do a lot of voice work. Also, there's, I mean, you know, there's a lot of dead eye in that conversation. Usually this would be like a romantic couple that's broken up. And then they get back together. They haven't seen each other for months or years. So, they say, you're looking good. And that's as if to say, in a general way, you're looking good. But what it really means is, hey, baby, you're looking good to me. Oh, Danno, I don't know if you realize that you were sort of giving off sort of like a dead fish on the sidewalk vibe. I just, I felt badly and compassionate, but just really wanted to leave the conversation.

Okay. So, this is really going to help me with my Tinder application form. Yes. You know, I'm doing online dating now. I didn't know that, but I'm so glad to hear that. I've been hoping you might find someone. Well, it has not been going very well. And I think it may be because of some of the things you're just describing. It may also be that I'm starting my conversations with people that I have not not seen for months or years. Also, you can't say Nazi to anybody. Did I say Nazi? You did. You just said it. So, I think if we just remove Nazi from your Tinder profile.

And as a woman, do you or do you not recommend starting off with that game that you're looking good? I recommend not. Okay. So, that would really only be after you split up and you're seeing someone after a long time. That is a meeting specifically in Central Park, New York on a blustery October day after a sad year of being apart where she. This is beautiful. She remarried, got divorced. And now you're seeing her for the first time. Hang on, I'm jotting all this down. Yeah. I'm jotting all this down because I want to get this into my online resume for Tinder.

I just think if I can say, can I say attractive male? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yes. Okay. Attractive male seeks companionship. Now, is it a Sikh companion? Is that a religious requirement from your part? It's not a requirement. It's just a request. You would like a Sikh woman? Yeah. Okay. So, attractive male. Yes. Seek companionship. You did Nazi coming. Yes. Nazi woman. Seek companionship. Willing to engage in year-long relationship then divorce. Right. Yes. Willing to remeet on beautiful autumn day in Central Park one year later. Yes. Okay. I think women love specificity.

Okay. I've got such a good feeling about this. Yeah. Oh, you check me back in a week or two and, whew, I may be Mrs. Dan O'Sullivan. I'm very excited to go on this journey with you and all the chana masala and chai tea that you're about to enjoy. I'm jealous. Oh, not to mention the sausage and beer. Wow. What an exciting future. Claire, thank you so much. I never even thought to check in with you to aid me on my courtship. Well, who better? You know, somebody that knows you as well as I do. And someone who's been married so many times. So many. You've really got the experience to back me up on this.

Yeah. And I just, you know, and you'll get here eventually, but now I just have a reverend on call at Central Park in New York. Oh, a street preacher probably. A street preacher for quick marriage, quick divorce. Well, thank you for coaching me through that and I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, that's exciting. See, that's moving into fall. I think a lot of people do. We think of fall as the start of a new year, more so than January. Time for a new outfit, a new sweetheart. New pumpkins springing up, lattes on the horizon. How has latte been working out for cleaning out the offices?

Latte and Fernando are divorced, speaking of relationships. Did you know that? Oh, that's an exciting time for next October in Central Park for them. I know that you've got your on-call preacher. Do you have an on-call oncologist as well? Oh, gosh. I do, Dano, and I do have an update on my health. So I got a thumbs up from my doctor on all, you know, I said this was going to be the summer of health for me. Now, Claire, is that a procedure, the thumbs up, or is that just an expression that you're using? That's my oncologist did a thumbs up procedure. They were really starting to sag.

I mean, you know, we're all getting older, and it's the first place that shows aging. Claire, I tell you, we are on the verge of new and better times. I cannot wait to mark New Year's Day on our calendars, and that's today. That is today. I've got romance blossoming all around me. You've got your perky new thumbs. That's it. It's going to be our best year ever. One last thing before we wrap this. I feel so excited about springing into this new year perkily and romantically, and I wondered if we have the right guest lineup. I'm glad you're bringing that up, because honestly, I feel like I've contacted my 50 people that I said I would contact.

Right. But I'm not very satisfied with the quality of the guests. How's it going for you? Not great, and I think a part of that was my inability to press the keys on my phone. Oh, because of your thumbs? Well, during recovery, you know, you have to be really tender. It's ironic that when you're all thumbs, you're all thumbs. Yeah. Boy, did I get the wrong number. Oh, I think that was a Bob Hope reference. Well, Claire, I was swinging for the bleachers, as they say. Yeah. So I got some calls out to some of our A-list wishes for guests. Right. So I got a call into Sting.

But Dano, if you don't mind me asking, I thought we had agreed that all of our guests had to have the name Dano Sullivan or Claire Sarah. Yeah, I talked to Sting about that, and he's willing to completely comply. That's great. Well, what's he an expert on? He's actually an expert on you, Claire. He's an expert on Claire Sarah. That makes so much sense. Sting, he's a longtime listener. He has been quietly stalking you online. He's read three of your books and six of your volumes. Oh, gosh. And he even saw you on that children's show you did where you were the post lady.

Like, so much of America fell in love with Josie, the post lady? Yes. Wow. And he doesn't call you the post lady. He calls you the post woman with just that charming accent. He's so woke. Now, his only stipulation is that we cannot refer to him as Sting or Gordon. He will only answer to Claire Sarah. Wait. He will only answer to me in the conversation, or he will only answer to the name Claire Sarah? Both. Yes. So it's going to be a bit of a trick, Claire, because you'll have to do the interview as Claire Sarah. Right. And Sting will be the guest as Claire Sarah.

So when you type up the script, I know, sans thumbs, you're going to somehow have to differentiate between Claire Sarah and Claire Sarah. Can you type with a British accent? Yes. I love what technology does now. I'm starting to have a regret. I'm regretting my thumb surgery. Oh, Claire. It's a little too late, my dear. I think I've lowered myself to below a primate level. Claire, I understand how you feel right now. So many people go through the thumbs up oncological experiment and feel for that time, while the bandages are still on and the wounds are still sore and the thumbs don't really operate.

Yeah. You feel like you've gone from opposable to impossible. Thank you. That's how I feel. But, you know, a lot of the younger folks are doing this operation. Now, my daughter went through this and she came out the other end with such long thumbs. She can twirl spaghetti without any utensils. Oh, I've dreamt of that. Oh, man. She could be Little Jack Horner in that corner. When she sticks in her thumb, she pulls out a plum. Wow. I was trying to put a Bob Hope intonation on that. When she sits around the house, she sits around the house. I do feel better. Thank you.

I think I was just going through that. Oh, my God. What have I done? As long as you don't need to dial the operator on a telephone, I think you'll be OK. OK, thank you. Thanks.