Expertease Experts on: Falconry – The Spout of Kings

Falcons, we think of as big birds, birds of prey. They can't talk like parrots, can they? They can talk. They choose not to. Clare, if only there were more people like the falcons. Am I right? Danno, I can think of two people on a podcast right now. Clare Sera, you are an expert in the art of falconry. And so I thought we could probe your area. Pardon? Of expertise. Spell bro? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong. The podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Expert comedy writer Clare Sera and expert comedy writer Danno Sullivan bring their expertise to other unrelated expertises.

My special guest tonight is Clare Sera. Clare, when I picked up your book, I was spellbound by the depth of your knowledge on the ancient art of falconry. Falcons, a little known fact about them, they have two extra orifices and that's what helps them get a light so quickly. They are practically hollow, those birds. They're just all orifice, really, from the beak to the butt. I know we don't typically eat falcons, but I'm thinking that if you had a falcon in place of a turkey come Thanksgiving, that would be a lot of good stuffing. You know, they were the first version of fast food.

Like 60 miles per hour fast, am I right? Yeah, exactly, Danno, yes. Very hard to catch. You mentioned that many falcons, like parrots, can speak, but of course we know that parrots are mimicking human language, that they're not really using words with meaning, they're just making sounds. Is that the same case with falcon language, as you call it? Or are you a nut who believes they can actually communicate? Nothing personal. Thank you. I am in the latter category. I do believe I can communicate with the falcons and that they communicate with me, and you can see that if you go to my YouTube channel, Falk Off, you can see the falcons coming to me at my command.

Ah! Claire, I was doubly surprised as I was scanning through your book. I was expecting more of a history. I think of falconry as sort of the sport of kings. I associate it with knights in medieval times, but you had some rather startling discoveries with the falcons that maybe professionals had known about in falconing circles, but really had never been brought to the public eye before. Part of that is how relational falcons are. They grow attachments. They can be trained, if they like you, they can be trained to cook, do light errands about the town. This is what I loved, your whole chapter on round-the-house help with your falcon, whereas the knights of yore would train their falcons for these heavy, foreboding tasks of hunting down other animals, killing them, and bringing the prey back to the master.

You've really come up with some interesting things. There's a whole chapter you have on dental hygiene, which for a lot of people is really gonna be kind of mind-blowing. Falcons love to participate in our daily life. As I said, they're relational animals. They are not birds of war. They can give your teeth a cleaning like no other. How does that work, and how do you feel safe in the process? Well, you're not, you're not safe. You are gonna get a bloody face. You might lose an eye, it's happened, but your teeth, Dano, there's nothing more important than your teeth and keeping good teeth through your life.

It doesn't matter if you can see your food. It matters if you can chew it. That's true. I've always heard from my own human dental hygienist that flossing is more important than brushing, and the way you're describing it makes me think that having a sharp beak pecking at your teeth maybe is more important still. Yeah, oh, I would absolutely say that beaking is the absolute future of dentistry. Claire, I don't know if you've seen this book, Please Don't by Gupta Duttel, DDS. I've heard of it, yes. She's a dentist in Pittsburgh. She's read your book. She's seen your YouTubes, and I'm guessing that like the falcon and the bunny, you two are natural enemies.

She disapproves of falcons as dental hygienists. I'm guessing she's worried about- Lawsuits. She's mostly worried about lawsuits because what she doesn't mention is she was the first person to try it. I mean, and it's fine for her to now say, oh, it's bad. Some of my patients were mauled. Some of my patients have avian flu. That's fine. That's fine for her to say, but let's admit it, DDS, that for those first three months where we did it in her office were glorious. I mean, plaque was flying, flying Dano. I didn't realize that the two of you had once worked together and now are bitter foes.

That adds a depth to the story that's almost heart-rending. I'm ready to admit, I don't know if she mentions it in her book, that we also lost two falcons. Oh, now that's a pity. Does the SPCA get involved in a case like this or is it the American Dental Association? Well, they got together and neither of them really had jurisdiction over the combination as it happened. So, I mean, although I am still paying off that fine, which is again why I really encourage people to go to my website, FalkonFalkoff. Do you have a Patreon for that? Yes, I do. I have a Patreon and a Patreon.

I understand that in keeping with the medieval aspects of falconry that in addition to your Patreon account, you actually have a patron. One of the Venetian doges is willing to put his vast fortune behind what he considers to be some of your forward-thinking falconry. It's so beautiful, Dano, because he comes from a long line of falconers and he's continuing the good work of his family. They used falcons, I don't know if you knew this, to build a lot of Venice. I'm a big fan of Venetian architecture and I was excited to see this chapter in your book because it was the only bit that I had ever really learned about as a child, how the falcons had been trained to bring in water to fill the canals after they had been built.

With their cavernous bodies, it was like water bombers over a fire and they would just release this water to build up Venice. I mean, if only there had been video back in that day, Dano, to just see hundreds of birds flying over and birding water over the architecture until it was floating. I think what was most magical to me about that was the forethought those early Venetians had to build a completely dry city full of canals, knowing that they had this secret weapon, you might say. You know, they called them cavities back then. The canals were cavities. They were, yeah.

With an Italian accent. Clara, I went to my local library and asked for a copy of your book and they referred me to Love Your Hamsters, which is, I guess, a series that kids enjoy. Do you feel that falcons are getting kind of second-class treatment in the pet world and if so, do you think that's fair? I don't think it's fair, Dano, and I'm glad that you put that together. I feel like children could really benefit from the art and the sport of falconry. I mean, sure, their little arms are not steady enough to hold a full-grown falcon. But a child can hold a baby falcon.

A child could hold a baby falcon. And you know what, Clara? A baby could hold an egg. Dano, I think we have a new chapter. Again, we did get in trouble in the early training of that. People don't like to give time to learn. We had two of our 30 children got pulled away by falcons, never to be seen again. Two, Dano. But presumably, we know where they are. They're on a mountain cliffside somewhere. Probably living their best lives. Yes, yes, who are we to judge? So I still advocate for child falconry. It's a proud sport. It's a glory. Isn't it in everybody's nature to want to soar, to want to fly, to want to tear at a vole or a mouse on a meadow in the wild and bloody its head and bring it back to your babies?

What could be more natural or beautiful? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Clara, in wrapping things up here today, it's been wonderful talking through the accurate and detailed history of falconry with you. Yes. It seems like you have a lot of things on the line personally with your book, with your experiences, with your lawsuits. Do you feel like there are any lessons learned? I just want to encourage everyone to not give up on their dreams of flying in the wild. Figuratively, right? No, I'm talking about flying with falcons, which. I think we sort of, you're saying that like that's something we've said you could do.

How does a person actually do that? Well, I haven't quite figured it out yet, Dano. I don't have the ratio of falcons to human person that it would take to soar with them. Some type of hemp harness, goggles. Would it suffice to soar near them? But why not? Why, I don't understand why you wouldn't attach yourself to the falcons and. I'm not against that, Clara. I'm just saying that that feels a little impractical given the state of the art. This is what I'm up against all the time, Dano. You make me feel very small-minded, Clara. Well, I'm sorry. I'm just passionate about it.

And I guess if I had to say one last thing for, and I know that there are other falconers out there. I'm not crazy, and I'm not the only person that keeps a falcon in their room. There she is, good girl. I'm here talking with Clara Sarah in a giant paper mache falcon suit. Claire, thank you. The Expertise, spelled wrong, podcast is free. And like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.com. And follow us in your favorite podcast app, like the expert podcast listener we know you are. No, no, no, no, no.