The Two Thumbs Up for Hitchhiking Expertease

You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong, the podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Hello, everyone. Welcome to our podcast this afternoon, Expertise, where we're going to take you on the ride of your ever-loving brain. We are on location with our special guest today, Danno Sullivan, who is here to talk about the art and the history of hitchhiking. Danno Sullivan, Host, Expertise Podcast Clare, it's great to have you out here alongside Route 2, outside Groton, Massachusetts. Clare Sera, Host, Expertise Podcast Oh, Groton.

That's right. The cheese-covered potato capital of New England, Clare. Gosh, I wish we were talking about that. Say it again. Can't hear you. Yeah. We're very close to the side of the road. I was wondering if we could maybe find a spot that might not be so close to these cars and trucks passing by. I'm just going to fully admit, I had forgotten the danger of hitchhiking. I'd romanticized it in my mind to a back country road with a car every hour going by. But this is a high city-level traffic. City hiking, the only way to get anywhere. We're waiting for a Model T to come by out on a country road beneath a windmill.

I've come across your type. Right. Yep. Yeah. Come across your type before. It's all dreaming, but you don't get anywhere. Do you want to get somewhere? You've got to be where the traffic is, and the traffic is right here on Route 2, outside Groton, Massachusetts. Heading on up to Cape Cod today, Clare. I noticed that you've got a particular stance that you take as the ... Oh, please stand back. Just please, please, just ... Yep. Nothing to worry about. I am a professional. I've been doing this all my life. So you do what I do. We'll see how it goes. It's all in the hips.

Right. Well, I thought it was in the thumb, but I see you're very hip-focused. Hip-focused. Yeah. It's a welcoming stance that you want to provide to the vision of the driver by. If you're all scrunched up tight, they're going to feel like, you know, I don't want to stop for a person who's that uptight. I need somebody who's going to be able to make conversation as we drive. I need somebody who's not going to mess around with the radio. Somebody you know. You know what we say, gas, grass, or ... No, we don't. Well, I guess some of us say that. Yeah. We don't actually say that as a family podcast, but you know, I did want to address, because of that, some of the dangers of hitchhiking ... Oh my gosh, is that someone pulling over?

Yeah, that's Jay Leno in one of his vintage automobiles, Claire. He comes out here every summer, driving around in a Stutz Bearcat. He's got a Poirot 98. I think that one's his BMW two-ton shifter. A two-ton shifter, my gosh, that's exciting. Yeah. Oh, it's a one-seater, though. No room for the two of us. Give him a wave, and off he goes, back to, if we're lucky, another remake of a comic game show. Love those things. Well, that was very exciting. I absolutely got the thrill and the rush of the car pulling over, the hope of being picked up and moving on to your next destination as a traveler by foot.

Yeah, that's part of the joy of hitchhiking, Claire. So much of it is about the emotional roller coaster. In fact, the first time I ever hitchhiked, Claire, was at a roller coaster in Carnegie Park, Carnegie, New Jersey. The year was 1974. I was but a five-year-old at my daddy's side. Daddy, I said, take me for the roller coaster. No son, no son, 45 cents, can't afford that. Got on the old hip stance, Claire, stood right there on the track, and you know what? That two-tooth carny slowed that roller coaster down. I hopped right in, and woo, three times around, free riding.

That is an origin story if I've ever heard one, and that's what got you hooked on that. Yeah, that's the first place I ever heard gas, grass. No, we're not, that's not really, we're not. Sure, sure, edit that out. Let's get back to the sort of the history of hitchhiking. Obviously, it began with, oh. Oh, Mustang, seven, eight, seven, eight, Claire. Take the stance. Take the stance. Oh, I've got it. It's very uncomfortable. Yeah. Oh. The more uncomfortable it is, the more right it is. I just feel so open. It works. There. All right. Okay. Now, run up to the car. Right.

Do not exchange words. Just open the door. Hop in. Are you coming? Oh, oh, oh. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I can't believe what's happened here. This is Dan O'Sullivan at the side of Route 2. I've got Claire's professional podcasting microphone. She has taken off in a Mustang with an unknown driver, folks. I'm not really sure what to do here. But just give me a second. Looks like there's my cell phone. Folks, if you're thinking about hitchhiking, just be sure. There's a lot of dangers out there. You want to always have a cell phone with you. If you get into a car with a person, you do not know what's going to happen.

It could be the most dangerous place you'll ever be in your life. Let me just grab that. Dan O. Dan O, it's Claire. Oh, it's Claire. Sarah on a cell phone, ladies and gentlemen. Dan O. I'm in the trunk of the car. I'm in the trunk of the car. You're in the trunk. I'm not. All right. Now, hang on just a second. Claire, for our listeners at home, do not get in the trunk of a car. Use the side door, folks. Safety is your number one concern. The trunk leads to a riverbank. The trunk is a most dangerous place to be. I'm pulling up to the riverbank right now. I, uh... Good God.

It's the trunk and the riverbed. All right, folks, Claire is really a master of the podcast because she is giving you a lesson in what not to do right down the line. We've stopped. We've stopped. All I can hear is the river at the side of the car and the click of... Could you come after me, please? Could you maybe hitch a ride to where I'm at? All right, Claire. You just... You hang tight, sweetheart, and let me just get the stance. He's... He's... All right. I hear him. I hear him. I'm hearing something in the front... In the front seat. I don't... I hear blades scraping against each other.

Okay, Claire. I'm going to try to flag down this diesel. Might take the... Not just the stance of the hips, but the whole groin gesture. So give me just a... Please. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Oh. Oh. Claire. There. I flagged him down. I got him. I got him. All right. Okay. Now, you keep your phone on, and we'll use the built-in GPS to track you to the... Oh. Oh, I can see you up ahead. Right. Right. There's the blue Mustang. Do you see him in the front seat? He's... I think... I think he's sharpening it. I have to talk to my driver. Claire, one of the most important lessons in hitchhiking is driver-to-hitchhiker etiquette.

So give me just a second here, and... Don't take... Don't take too long. You'll pass right by me. How about it, good buddy? You got your tires on? Come on. Come on. You got 10-4. Roger that. We got a two-niner down the delta. Yeah, we even have a bear in the air. Roger that. Roger that. Five square, clean and green. Coming at you, good buddy. All right. Claire, I think I gave him everything he needs to know to get to the river. I'm not sure you gave him anything that was worth anything. I heard animals and numbers, and I... Claire, that's trucker talk. He's coming. He's out of the car.

He's left the car. Where are you? I just heard a semi go by. That was... Please tell me that wasn't you. Oh. Hey. Hang on. Hang on. Back up. Good buddy. Back up. For... Oh, he... Claire, he's jamming a stick and losing 20 quick, but it's going to take us a few minutes to do a 360 and swap the fly. You know, you can't hitchhike an entire convoy, Dano. I just... I think I'm... I think I'm stuck in this. He's... He's getting out. He's coming around to the back of the truck. All right, Claire. Use me as an example. In the same way that I use trucker talk to talk to the trucker...

Yeah. Use Mustang talk to talk with the Mustang guy. Oh. Heard it. He's opening... He's opening the trunk. Oh. Well, hi there, driver. I couldn't help but notice that I'm the junk in your trunk today and your sidewalls are looking shiny. This four by eight engine has got a real spark to its plug. Claire. Yeah. Can the small talk. It's not working. Take that. Take that. Dirty Mustang driver. Ha ha. Quick. Into the front, Claire. Oh, Dano. Dano, wait. You drive. Dano, you just knocked out Ira McGlass, famous podcast host. He was doing a podcast while you were doing a podcast?

It was not sharpening his knives. He was turning on his podcast equipment. Oh. That put out the sound of sharpening knives. I've used that same equipment. I'm so embarrassed. What should we do? I mean, he's just lying unconscious now at the side of his car. That's some really beautiful equipment he's got. Yeah. You want to use it for your podcast? Well, I mean, I really could use... Here's the thing. Claire, I know from hitchhiking experience that if there is a man found unconscious at the side of the road, the first thing they're going to search for is a hitchhiker.

And right now, girly, that's you. Let's get out of here. That's all we can do. Nobody will know. I'll tell you what. You take the keys. Start that car up. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to run out to the side of the road and hitchhike for you to stop and pick me up. Perfect. I'm going to pull a wheelie, spin a donut, and get onto the other side of the road. Oh, it's a stick. I got it. I got it. I'm always good in the clutch. My hips. My hips. Claire, pick up your phone. Pick up your phone. Hello? Claire, you passed me by. I'm down here at the side. Yeah. Well, I didn't... Your hips were not at all...

You did not look friendly, or like I would have a good chat with you in any way. But you knew it was me. We just killed a man together. You're right. You're right. I got caught up in technicalities. Hold on. Let me... Let me spin my four on the floor around with the pedal to the metal. Okay. Come to the other side of the road. I'm going the other way now. Hang on. Ladies and gentlemen at home, this is Dan O'Sullivan. I'm using Ira McGlass's podcasting equipment now to report live from the wrong side of Route 2, now heading away from Groton, Massachusetts. Here comes my ride.

It's a beautiful blue Mustang driven by his... Is that Jay Leno again? No. Wait, wait. It is somebody doing hacky comedy. It might be Jay. No, no. It's Claire. Claire, thanks for stopping. For God's sake, don't honk the horn, Claire. You'll draw attention to us. Sorry. I was deep in the heart of Dixie just for a moment. Are you in? Close the door. Put your seatbelt on. Floor it. The Expertise Spelled Wrong podcast is free and, like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.com and follow us in your favorite podcast app.

Like the expert podcast listener we know you are. And so, podcast maker and podcast guest Claire Sarah and Dan O'Sullivan hit the road on the lamb never to be seen again. Oh, shoot. I just hit a lamb on the road.