Our audience tonight is composed mostly of knitters. And special guest, Clare Sera. Since knitting is your expertise, and you are an expert knitter, I thought we could probe your area of expertise, which is knitting. With knitting needles? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong. The podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Ladies and gentlemen, knitters, crocheters, and needle workers from around the globe. Welcome to the Expertise, Knowledge, and Craft podcast. I think I hear the click-clack of silvery needles coming from the hands of my guest today.
Clare Sera, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. It is so nice to have knitting get the kind of admiration that it deserves. Needlecraft needs to be in the spotlight, Clare. And here at Expertise, we're all about supporting our homegrown craftspeople. What are you working on there with your big silvery needles? It looks like maybe an Afghan? I am working on an Afghan. I've been trying to rescue folks from Afghanistan. By knitting special blankets just for them? I will give an Afghan over the border and get a person in exchange. An Afghan for an Afghan.
Afghan for an Afghan. That's just so beautiful. Now, I am looking at your book here, Afghans for Afghans, and I'm flipping forward to Chapter 2, Kaftans for Afghans. Yeah, yeah. I love the look of a kaftan, but I don't think of it as being a knitted garment. Well, I think maybe flip over one more page. The kaftans are actually captains of the Afghans. So that's a person that's been promoted to captain, but we call them kaftan. And they would be, say, in charge of 10 Afghans that we sneak across the border. I feel like this is representative of so many charitable ideals, where you have dreams, beautiful dreams of saving the earth, and just absolutely nothing comes of it.
It's really kind of a pointless endeavor. A lot of wasted energy and time, not to mention human resources, money, treasure, and blood, as they say. Well, you know, maybe you want to talk about our other project. Sure, yeah. I know you're doing a lot of work with Unwed Mothers, another charitable project with some of your knitting. You're doing Booties for Beauties. Yeah, because we figured that if we can keep an unwed mother's booty knit up, she might not have so many unwed babies. I misunderstood completely. I assumed it was small baby booties. Oh, no. Those are too easy and too quick.
Well, and a lot of the Unwed Mothers are easy and quick. Lots of exciting projects in the book, as you can see. Yep, yep. And I'm just flipping through the chapters here. It's one charitable project after another. In addition to Unwed Mothers, Kaftans, and Afghans, I'm so interested here in what you're doing for the homeless people. Oh, yeah. I know. Well, I'm only sighing because we have gotten a little bit of backlash. Oh, it's hard to knit a backlash, isn't it? I mean, you don't know how big a homeless man's back is going to be. And, you know, apparently you shouldn't be lashing them.
That I've never understood. What's the point of having a homeless population? You know, we're trying to come back from that. You know, somebody suggested maybe we knit tents for them. But I don't know. It just didn't really take my imagination. Sure. It seems almost too obvious, doesn't it? Yeah. You know, where's the challenge or the fun? I know a lot of our listeners would be interested in donating. What's the best way for somebody who's not involved in knitting to help promote the knitting works that you do? We do accept donations through Knitcoin. Knitcoin, yes.
We are currently knitting solar panels to see if, you know, we can offset some of the carbon extremists. I wonder about the technology involved there. I think of solar panels as being bright, reflective, able to let the sun bounce. And yet knitted products seem to me to be of wool, of yarn. We think of solar panels as a panel that you put on a roof. You know, why do you have to limit it to something hard and plastic? And again, bad for the planet. We would knit a nice, soft, black panel. Yeah. Many clothing has panels. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not against panels.
We're all for panels. But here is a way to tie in many of your helpful products all in one. You've got your bear-backed homeless men out on the streets. What do they need more than anything on their back but a coat, a clothing, something made of your panels? Yeah. I don't want to cut you off, but we've done our bit for the homeless. And there are other projects out there. You know, we are trying to—we want to see a world of knit cars. We want to see a world of knit offices. These are things that are hard that could be soft. These are things that promote hatred that could promote love.
We want to soften the world. You say you go to the UN, where countries are just going to get up there and scream at each other. Yeah. And what does UN even mean? It means un. I'm against it. Un. It's un. Right. And what does knit mean? It means knitted. Yes. Together. Knit together. Knit together. Things are knitted together. They are not unknitted together. They are knitted apart. Is that close to right? No. But you have this soft, warm room where people are sitting in knit chairs, where the acoustics are muffled and soft, softening the UN, softening the world. Claire, you talk about bringing people together, about being the un-un.
And yet, even within the knitting world, there is strife. The crocheters are up in arms. They're saying two needles bad, one needle good. Crochet. What does crochet come from? Crotch. Exactly. If you want to listen to a bunch of crotch grabbers, feel free. I'm not going to stop you. That's not an art form. They don't use wool. Now, see, Claire, I can hear the disdain creeping into your own voice. You're promoting love. Do you not have love to share with your brethren, the crocheters? Well, you know, Danno, even love has to have a springboard. And I like to spring off a crocheter's face and then spread love into the world.
Okay. Okay. All I'm asking is, you're knitting a sun-absorbing panel. Could not a one-needle crocheter crochet a sun-absorbing panel? So did you want to speak to a crochet expert, Danno? Then maybe you should have invited Anne Lee. Whoa. Mother Anne Lee? Yeah. Oh, I see she's here in the offices. You know that Mother Anne Lee of the local shaker group has taken a vow of silence in protestation of the double-needled work of the devil. Two horns, two needles. Yeah. Who's promoting love in this room right now? Hello, Mother Anne Lee. It's nice to see you. And for our listeners at home, Mother Anne has nodded her head graciously, I thought.
And she's now gesturing with her... With her needle. Oh, that's not a crochet hook. That is her arm that was bitten off in a shark accident. And this is how you treat a one-armed woman? With a hook? You know, okay. So we're going to go right to the shark incident. I knit her a kayak. And she's shaking her head as if to say, I can't tell if it's thankfully or that the kayak leaked and she's not thankful. It's not pretty thankful. She sued me, which, you know, really was the start of a bitter rivalry. Although I'm going to say, Dano, Mother Anne Lee, I mean, I've never seen a crochet kayak that has stood up to a shark.
Yeah. So maybe don't blame the knitter. Blame the sitter. The sitter in the kayak. Exactly. All right. We're going to ask Mother Anne Lee to just sit down, please. She's getting a little aggressive there, swinging her hook around. Look, you brought her on here. You need to be able to restrain her. Here, let me knit you a couple of handcuffs. Oh, that's darling. For our listeners at home, it's the Chinese handcuffs that you put your index fingers into. Great. Now Mother Anne Lee and I are permanently connected until we figure out how this thing works. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's been lovely to be on this podcast while Mother Anne Lee and Dano Sullivan pull each other's finger.
I'm just going to knit us out. Mother Anne Lee. Mother Anne. Mother. Mother. Stop pulling my finger. Mother Anne. Until next week, gentle listeners. Mother Anne Lee. Stop pulling my finger. The Expertise Spelled Wrong podcast is free and, like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.co and follow us in your favourite podcast app, like the expert podcast listener we know you are.
