Tightening Up Security at the Expertease Offices

Warning, this is not the Expertise podcast. This is an illegally recorded phone conversation about the Expertise podcast. By listening, you are a party to that illegality. And that's the best kind of party there is. Thank you for calling the offices of Expertise. This is your call answerer, Danno Sullivan at the switchboard today. How may I help you? Danno, it's Clare, your partner in Expertise. Hi, Clare. I forgot this is our weekly business call time. It is. It is indeed, but really that I'm calling. I'm at the door. I've been knocking. I lost the key. I hear you knocking, but you can't come in.

Clare, I hear you knocking, but you can't come in. Come back tomorrow and try it again. The girl can't take it. All right. I hope she calls back because I don't know which door she's at. Hello, Expertise offices. How may I direct your call? Danno, it's Clare. Hi, Clare. Where, where shall I direct your call? No, it's Clare, your partner from the Expertise podcast. It's been so busy here at Expertise office. It seems like every other person I talk to is named Clare. So this is Clare, Sarah, my podcast partner. Yeah, this is your partner. And I'm supposed to be in the office for this weekly meeting where we update each other.

But I, I, I've been knocking for ages on the door and you won't, why won't you let me in? Oh, I've been listening to Little Richard all morning. Little Richard? I hear you knocking, but you can't come in. I hear you knocking, but you can't come in. Danno, this isn't funny. Come back tomorrow and try it again. No, I'm not coming back tomorrow. Let's be, I need you to be professional, Danno. I'm sorry, Clare. You know what they say about me though? I just can't help it. I just can't help it. Oh, can't help it. I just can't help it. Woo. Help it. Help it right now. Clare, I'll be right over at the door.

Thank you. Let's see. Down the stairs. Through the security door. Danno, please don't take the tunnels. Danno, just. Through the tunnels. Takes the longest way. I don't know what we were thinking, connecting our entryway door to the town sewer system. Watch out for the suit of knight of shining armor. Oh, not the cat. We have got to clear out these tunnels. All right. Up the stairs. Clare, I fell down the emergency chute. Oh, there you are. Thank you. Thank you. Can I come in from the wet? Yes. Clare, welcome to the office. And I'm sorry for the run around. Let me just get my raincoat off.

Yeah, slip out of that and here into this soft muumuu. I think it's really considerate that we have muumuu's for all the guests at our offices. Oh, absolutely. One size fits most muumuu's. Everyone then feels that they're at home in their bodies while they're just a voice for us. And you know, the muumuu's that we use, it's like those endless towels in the gas station bathrooms. Yes. It's just the same muumuu over and over, but the guest never knows. Yeah. And they're expandable. Expandable muumuu's. The panels that we put in the back are. The panels of the expandable muumuu's.

So you're wearing the muumuu that was previously worn by famous actor Tony Hale. Can you believe that? I can believe it. I can't, I kind of close up a couple of these panels because he is, he's generous in the rear. Yeah. And personality wise too. I mean, the rear of his personality, like, you know, cause you meet the front of his personality on television, but in a muumuu, you get the 3D. Dano, what I wanted to ask you, why we haven't moved to a keypad system. We've both lost the keys to the office so many times. Yeah. That's why, because a typical keypad system requires multiple keys.

That's why it's called a keypad. And we're not even responsible enough to maintain one key each. No, no. I mean the kind of the keypad, you know, where you press a couple of numbers, you put a code in. Oh, the punch pad. Yeah. Not a keypad where you have to put five different keys in. Right. Right. Right. That's, that was a punch pad. Yeah. Punch pad. Well, remember we had the, the bouncer at the door who would punch everyone that came through. Oh, pad. Mr. Pad. Yeah. Ted pad from punch pads, security systems. That's where I first met Tony Hale. You met her in the back room in the rear.

He was moonlighting at the time before his acting career had really started to take off. Yeah. And he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a, he was a he, he was the police officer in America in the midnight hours. So I'm always making him do things. I'm always making him out. So I think I kissed him in the front runter. He was, uh, he knew I had kissed him, I didn't touch him, I couldn't touch him. But he was, he was, he would kiss if he could get me, if I put myFinally. Right. Yeah. I couldn't get him away María. No, but he was, he was definitely a rad fat long.

He was so handsome and rather than a 4 during my adult years, maybe he was a six. But he definitely looked human. And he had definitely done things. Most funny with its endless loop, you know, what we're going to do, Claire is change the address of our office to 4, 1, 6, 8. That's a cheery number. It'll be right there on the door. So we'll never forget it. We look at the door passers by think it's the address. We know that it's the secret key to the punch pad. Daniel, that is a querulous in its insidiousness. Thank you. Thank you very much. Can we change the address to our office?

Is that legal? I mean, isn't, don't we have to check with the mayor or something? My suggestion is, you know, we'll just say that's our address. And we'll put it in, um, stick on numbers on the front door. But then people will see our address, which is 23 pavement Avenue. Right. And then they'll see 4, 1, 6, 8. Right, right, right. Oh, I know Dan. I'll just add under it. So you have 4, 1, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? Oh, so it'll feel like people just think it's. A cheerful. Hello. They'll feel so supportive when they come and knock them, but they can't come in.

Ah, they come and knock it, but they can't come in. Well, you're right. They can't come in, but they'll feel cheerfully supported. And then we'll just shout out through the mail slot. Yeah. That's the punch pad number. This is a great system, but the thing is, if crooks come by, we won't be here to shout through the mail slot. Right? Yeah. So it's perfect. It's perfect. Oh, that's going to, I'm feel so much better because I just couldn't stand losing another key. It makes me feel sort of a shame in a part of myself. So may I escort you to the door? Yes. Thank you, Dano.

Just follow me right here, past the suit of armor. Oh, sorry. Cat, cat, cat, suit of armor. Why didn't you just walk across the lobby upstairs? And here we are. And, uh, thank you. You'll have to, you'll have to knock to get out because we can't see the numbers for the punch pad here. Right? Of course. God, I hope there's someone on the other side. I'll just wait for the next guest to arrive. Perfect. But you go back to and get your business done, Dano. You're on shift. All right, Claire. Yeah. I got to get back and answer the jibber. I'll either see you next week or your skeletal remains.

I hear you knocking, but you can't get out. I hear you knocking, but you can't get out.