Mansplaining

We got a note from a listener that says, Danno, every time you call Clare, Clare, it sounds like you are mansplaining. You're mansplaining my name? Well, apparently that feels like I'm saying Clare as like you're a little child or an ignorant woman who couldn't possibly pay attention to what I'm saying if I don't call you out by name, Clare. Well, I understand how that might seem to our listeners, but I would want to assure them that that's your way with everyone. You have- I call pretty much everyone Clare. You just interrupted me while I was explaining how you talk over me in a non-annoying, condescending, mansplaining way.

I'm sorry. I was talking over you. But that is my name. I don't really understand how saying my name could come across as insulting. Now I'm starting to feel insulted that they're saying my name somehow implies mansplaining, like my name is dumb. Can we turn it around? Can we make it a positive? What if you and I, between the two of us, acknowledge that your name is Clare? I acknowledge that. I acknowledge that too, Clare. Now can we take it a step further? And I guess I need you to acknowledge that if I call you Clare, I'm just addressing you by your name. I acknowledge that my name is Clare and that's as far as I'm going to go.

What if? Problem solved. All right. Let's see. A couple of other things I wanted to ask you about. Right. Do you have a reminder about the post office box? We need to get that taken care of. Yes, absolutely. I'm on that. It doesn't even need to be a locking post office box. If we could just use your post box or a mail slot, if you have one. Now, that feels like you're a little bit of mansplaining again. What if instead of mansplaining, it was dan-splaining and it was just a thing that I do? Yeah. Because it's, you know, that's me. Yeah. That's quirky old Dan-O. Right.

With his dan-splaining. Yeah. It's dan-splaining. Clare. Clare. Hmm. This is getting tricky because I feel like anything, I feel like what I'm saying right now about what I'm saying right now is me explaining to you about what I'm saying right now, which could be interpreted as man not Dan-splaining. Oh, gosh. You came so close to saying mea culpa in there, but like a man, you skipped right past it. What does mea culpa mean? Wasn't she married to Woody Allen? Yeah. Yeah. After Frank Sinatra. Thank you for explaining what mea culpa means, Clare. You're welcome. Man-O.

Dan-O, I have a little bit of business I would like to ask about. Yeah. Tell me. I am worried about the time that we meet to do this podcast. I know. It's hard for you. It's really hard for me. If it's hard for both of us, should we just change it? I don't want to jump to any kind of crazy altering our schedule that we have. It's just that I wish that we could meet at the same time. Yeah. I think that would really lend kind of a cohesion and a flow to our conversations. I think people can feel it. I'm here at one o'clock, you're there at four, and the three-hour lag in our conversation is...

Yeah. I try to edit those out, and sometimes I know I'm a little off. You know, Clare, I feel like this began when you and I started playing chess by mail back in the 80s. Right. I would send a move to you, and weeks would pass before I'd get a move back from you. So in a way, it feels very comfortable. For us. Yes, it does. Yeah. But you feel like it's a little disjointed for the listener? Yeah. And I think I'm starting to feel like, because we're trying to have an actual conversation of questions and answers, learning time, that that three-hour difference is just really throwing me.

I mean, if you're not feeling it, maybe I can grow accustomed. What I do, Clare, is as soon as I make a statement or ask a question of you, I set an alarm for three hours, and then I know that your response will be coming right back. Oh, that's really clever. That's very clever. Okay, let's try that method. Okay. I'll set three hours in reverse. Right. Because at the time... Wait just a second. What? The time zones. Yes? Blimey. I think we're overlooking something obvious here, Clare. I'm not sure. You said you're calling in at one o'clock, and I'm calling in at four o'clock.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the problem. And yet, now that I think about it, there is no awkward lag in our conversation. Oh, no. It's just the way we talk. We talk with a long lag. All right. Well, good. That's our second order of business. Last thing, with the popularity skyrocketing, Clare, I'm wondering if we should think about a mascot. Dano, a mascot is a great idea. This was inspired by driving down the street and seeing a dude out on the roadside dressed as the Statue of Liberty waving back and forth, trying to get me to come in, I think to do my taxes, maybe to buy a statue.

I'm not sure. Well, we would need to get a mascot that had a lot clearer message than that if we wanted to help our business. What would an expertise mascot? I mean, we could have someone like a Dolly Parton situation with the hair, you know, but then people would really focus on the Ts. A lot of mascots are animals. Yes. You know, expertise makes me think of science, technology. There are some... It could be a sex tent. Could be. Yeah, like a walking, talking sex tent. I mean, it looks scientific-y and smart, just the instrument itself. And it guides you to where you need to go, which is to our podcast.

Right. Our current logo is that stack of books. A stack of books. Which is a Victorian woodcut. So maybe we could get Victorian woodcut or Victoria Woodhull to be our mascot. A woodchuck, because a woodchuck woodcut. Yes. If we could get a woodcut of a woodchuck, do you realize how many times people have tried to rewrite that tongue twister and never incorporated woodcut? Woodcut. And if we could get Alexander Wolcott. With P.G. Woodhouse at his side. Where does that leave us? No, wait a second. I'm seeing it on the corner, the sidewalk corner of the mall. We have a sex tent, a shiny brass sex tent.

Walking, talking, shiny brass sex tent. We have P.G. Woodhouse, a woodcut of a woodchuck cutting woodcuts of Victorian books. Maybe Dolly Parton's in the background just singing about it with her hair highly teased. This is starting to sound way, way out of our budget though, Claire. Oh, budget. Do you think we could get, you know, the used car lot, the floppy guy with the fan blowing who flops around in the wind? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Floppy man. Yes. I don't know if we could get Alexander Wolcott or Victoria Woodhull or Dolly Parton. I'd be satisfied with any of those as long as one of them is holding a sex tent flopping in the wind.

It seems a little bit dangerous on a low breeze day, like you could be walking past that and get flapped in the head by a sex tent. Wouldn't be the first time for me. So I think, is that solved for now? I'm not sold that we're 100% on the mascot, you know, as a person who used to do that kind of work. I want to make sure we get it exactly right. I think we're... Is it worth just putting up our first floppy man to see how it goes, see if it brings in new listeners? It is absolutely worth trying. What do they call that? Split testing, right? Oh. You try one thing and you try another thing.

Oh. I haven't heard that term. I like it. Oh, I thought since this used to be your business, that would be something you were familiar with. I was just, they put the head on me and kicked me out into the playground. Oh, that was your business. You were one of the floppy people. Yeah. Yeah. On the playground as a child? No. Well, I was not a child. I was a seven-year-old woman. Beep. Boop. It was my first job out of high school. So what were you representing? A school. I was representing... Oh. The elementary school had a mascot. I misunderstood. I thought you were trying to get new students into the school by being a mascot.

No, no. I was just rounding up the children from the playground. And the mascot, I was dressed as the school. So they felt that a floppy person would represent a rigid school accurately enough that the children would not be confused and beep, would return to class at the end of recess? That's exactly what they thought, Dano, and they were wrong. Oh. So that job did not last long. It did not last. Long lag. Long lag.