The How to Do Your Own PR Expertease

Mr. Danno Sullivan, our audience tonight is composed mostly of people in need of publicity. Oh? And that's your... Expertise! And since you specialize in public relations, I thought we could probe your area... I beg your pardon? ...of expertise. Oh. Whoa. Yow. Okay. Caught me off guard with that one. Okay. Whew. I did not expect this kind of salty language. Safer talk. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong. The podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Each podcasode of Expertise brings you the recognized expert in the field, whatever the field happens to be, and whether or not that expert actually knows anything about it.

When it comes to oddly specific expertises you probably never thought you needed to know more about, we're the experts. Welcome to the show, Mr. Danno Sullivan. I'm very excited. I have to tell you, I have a personal vested interest in your expertise today. Well, Claire, I wanted to compliment you on that lovely vest you're wearing. And if I can help you promote it in any way, that's what I'm here for. I see what you did. You took a turn of phrase and turned it into something public. Basically, everything should be public, Claire, and nothing doesn't benefit from a little good publicity.

So, let's get talking. What can I help you with? Well, if you don't mind, we're just going to jump in both feet. Both feet. You help folks create a brand. I help folks create a mystery, a magical overview of whatever is important in their life at that time. For example, Claire, let's talk about your little podcast for a minute. Okay. What we do is we go behind the scenes, we ask a lot of questions, we do a lot of things with colored markers, felt, little felt figures. Like on whiteboards? Felts on whiteboards. Oh, okay. Now, that does sound exciting. So, let's do a hypothetical.

Okay. All right. You know, folks are not really interested in your podcast per se, so let's come up with another company. Who are we promoting here? A company, a cause? Oh, a cause would be great. Let's say we're promoting pony rides, a local pony ride business. Sure. So, the first thing is you get all the interested parties together. So, do you have a meeting room big enough for, what, a board of five and then maybe 10 or 12 ponies? There's three ponies. Okay. So, a smaller room would do. There is a carport that can be used for meetings. Okay. A porte couchere.

Oh, look at that already. You've taken it and you've made it sound like something like a regular person walking down the street would feel like their life would be enhanced by... That's just it, Claire. Pony rides sound so basic. Right. I mean, that's 1880s. That's not today. That's not happening. So, what can we do to add a little zazzle? Are you familiar with that word, zazzle? I'm writing it down. Is that with a Z or a Z? That's two Zs and a Z in the middle. So, what you do is you take something with a little twizzle to it and add a little splash of... Of zhuzh?

Of zhuzh. I'm just an amateur, but I feel like the letter Z has a lot of importance. The Z is like a lightning zap. Oh, my gosh. Look at you. You are... And folks like that feeling of being electrocuted with excitement about the new product, the new service. Right, right. All right. So, let's keep going with this. We've got ponies. Give me the names of the ponies. You know, folks like to feel like there's a face that they can put on the product. I love it. Well, there's Dorkman and... Okay. Dorkman is going to have to change. I'll just tell you that right up front.

I mean, it's on his birth certificate. Wait, are we talking about the ponies or the people in the club? Sorry, sorry. Ponies, yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. Well, for the ponies, we've got Fluffster. Fluffster. Yep. Okay. And... Fluffster's I can work with. Fluffster, Big Jack, and Poops-A-Lot is what the kids call the third one. All right. Yeah. Now, for pony names, those are actually rather charming. I'm a little worried about Poops-A-Lot. Do you think we should call him sir? Because I've been lobbying for that. Look, I have to admit, this is a business of mine on the side that is just not doing...

Oh. And I am abusing my podcast privileges by asking you for an example, but... You know what? I got to admire your hutspa with a Z in the middle. Oh, thank you. You know, taking advantage of the situation that... Where I volunteered to come on and discuss a hypothetical situation and then actually apply it to your own real world business. Very, very clever. You know, actually, I think the idea of having a hutspa as part of the recreation... Well, we're going to tie it in with the ponies, Claire. It's going to be the hoofspa. Oh, right. Yes. So this is where folks can bring in their own ponies who are suffering from sore hooves and just dip them in those salted waters.

We'll get those little nibbling fish. And would this be an extra revenue stream for me? Claire, we're going to replace the pony rides altogether. That is yesterday. Oh. And it sounds to me like your ponies are not really at the top of their game. Is that accurate to say, especially Poopsalot? Unless Poopsalot's game is pooping a lot. Now, are folks paying tickets for that? Or are they paying tickets for a ride? And it happens to be with Poopsalot. They are paying for tickets for a ride. And that's also probably why we need the hoofspa, because all the ponies are walking around in that.

So this is for the benefit of all the ponies. And, you know, you got to think big. That's part of PR. It's not just how do we promote what we have. How do we create something from what we have? Oh, my gosh. Ladies and gentlemen, I just got my money's worth right there with that little sentence. I can tell you, we got the right expert here. So, yes, we have sick ponies. A lot of sick ponies with parasitical hooves. Now, do I put that in the pamphlet? You're thinking like a superstar, Claire. You're thinking like a zooper star with Zs. And that's what I like to Z.

Because the new market that we're finding is not children who want to ride ponies. How much money does a child have for crying out loud? We are looking for owners of ponies. You know, people who have spent a lot of money, who are invested in taking care of those ponies with their, you know, kind of chewed away hooves. What can they do to prolong the life of that beloved pet? Bring it in to the hoofspa. I can hear the money jingling, jangling. All right, let's turn it around now. You're starting to think like a moneymaker. You're thinking like a PR expert.

Right. What's the zazzle that is going to bring in these pony owners, these poners? I need poners at my hoofspa. I need them to, I'm just trying to think this through. So, what I'm looking to do is get poners of small horses with parasitical hooves to come to my spa and dip in my healing waters. That's it. Beautifully said. Healing waters, hoofspa. I think that's going to look great on billboards. Healing hoofspa in the Porte Couchere. Wonderful. Oh my gosh. Oh, I'm just so excited by this new business. Claire, accept my congratulations on just being so open-minded about this, you know?

I realize you probably don't have a Porte Couchere yet. I don't. You don't have the healing waters yet, I assume. No, I do not. You're going to have to find that somewhere. I really only have three sick ponies, and I'm trying to figure out a way to turn that into something. Yeah. And what you have proposed is an entirely new business that would require a lot of funds to get it up and started. Yep. Yeah. So, I mean, is there not perchance by hiring a publicist to enhance what I have rather than what I completely business? Let's turn it around, Claire. Okay. You know what we say in the PR game?

Yes, and? Let's go with your, in quotation marks, idea. You know, so sick pony enterprises, you know, you got to take your negative and somehow manage to cast it in a positive light. Right, right, right. So, you know, what are the benefits of a sick pony? They move slowly. Right. So, fun around children who maybe are not well-sighted and wouldn't be appalled by the patchy hair, the shedding mane. They're not going to go fast if a child is a little frightened of getting on a large animal. They're very slow moving. In fact, Fluffster doesn't move at all. And I imagine that poops a lot.

It comes to a pause fairly often. Well, you know, you would think. But no, it's just flying north and south. You know what, Claire? Let's take that and spin it. Let's spin that poop. Well, oh, oh, gosh, I don't know about that. How tied are you to the name poops a lot? What about poops a flying, you know? Okay, wait a second. I'm thinking from a kid's angle, that's actually quite brilliant. Yes, yes. Right. Kids love anything to do with poop and they love ponies. So, you know, let's build those on top of each other. Right. I can almost see like above my little carport ranch, which will become a portico share, poops like a giant sign, poops a flying, pony rides.

Now, this is not nearly as catchy as the hoof spa. But poops a flying is maybe a stepping stone. It's a different demographic. There's nothing to say eventually you can't do both, right? Right. Well, would you want to go to a spa where poops a flying? You know what? Yes. Okay. It's an upsell, Claire. You know, when you go to McDonald's, it's would you like fries with that Coke? Let's just say, would you like a bath after you've been covered with poop? You know, that's what you're selling. Gosh, this is my head. You know, my head is spinning. Never mind my poops right now.

My head is spinning, Dano. From the way that you can take something that is next to nothing and turn it into more nothing, but in a shiny, bright, bright way. That's the zazzle, Claire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dano, this has been absolutely enlightening. I don't know that it's been uplifting, to be honest, but it has been enlightening. Let me give you a little tip, Claire. Okay. Let's say it is enlightening. Oh. Right. Let's just say it is enlightening. It is enlightening. This has been enlightening. Dano, I'd like to thank you for being on my podcast today. It has been uplifting and enlightening to have my guest, PR Zazzle expert, Dano Sullivan, who can take anything and spin it into a wonder.

It's been great having you on the show. The Expertise, spelled wrong, podcast is free and, like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our e-mail announcements at funnypodcast.co and follow us in your favourite podcast app, like the expert podcast listener we know you are. The Expertise, spelled wrong, podcast is free and, like the Amish, all are welcome.