The Parade Day! Expertease

Warning, this is not the Expertise podcast. This is an illegally recorded phone conversation about the Expertise podcast. By listening, you are a party to that illegality. And that's the best kind of party there is. Hello, offices of Expertise, this is Clare Sera. Hey Clare, this is your podcast partner Danno calling. This is our weekly business call when we get together and talk about the things that are important to our business. But we talk too much about business, I'm telling you. Oh. Grab your glad rags, put on a jaunty hat, and let's step out to Pavement Avenue.

Clare, it's parade day. Parade day on Pavement Avenue. Danno, I completely forgot about this. Is it on our calendar? Clare, it doesn't need to be on our calendar. It lives in our hearts. This happens only once every year. And today is the day. Okay, well, let me just get my spreadsheet out here. I'm going to put that in. You are all business all the time, even on parade day? Well, I mean, Danno, we are running a business. And I mean, I get it that we've got to schedule in, you know, 20 minutes for joy. Let's stop. Let's work it through and make sure that the parade and fun and happiness can fit into the spreadsheet.

Hang on. Let me just clock in, Clare. Thank you. It would make me feel much better. Oh, did you see that we moved the clock in clicker? It's not by the front door anymore. I did notice that. And I didn't know where you'd moved it or where or why. Well, Danno, everyone who is coming through our doors was clocking in. Oh, even clients and guests? Clients and people coming in from the Pavement Avenue parade day. Oh, and then we have to pay those people because they're clocked in. Yeah, we've got like 14 frolickers on our payroll now. I've only got 14 frolickers left on my head.

That's why I'm wearing my toupee for parade day. You know, I use the shampoo that helps regrow frolickers. I beg your pardon. So we're paying all those random people because they're clocked in. Yeah. So already I'm seeing the agenda for our call, Clare. One. Yes. Schedule time to enjoy the parade of parade day. Yes. Two. Schedule time to get those people clocked out so we're not paying them. Clocked out. That would solve it. Three. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. I just knocked out three of them. So if they're unconscious, we don't have to pay them? I clocked them out. You're a clock stopper.

Oh, gosh, Dan. What are we going to do with all these unconscious frolickers now in the lobby? Are they still getting paid is my question. Well, you're right. Even if they're unconscious? I didn't think it through. They haven't clocked out. I just knocked their clocks off. Okay, Clare. You know what? This is like in an old movie when you put the pen in a dying man's hand to have him sign the will. Oh, like for like a tracheotomy? No, that's when you put the pen in a dying man's throat. Oh, oh. To stab him and make him die after he's signed the will. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always forget what a murderous bitch you are, Clare. Never forget. Yeah, especially when I'm dozing nearby with a pen in my hand. Come on, let's get through these passed out people that I knocked out with my bare knuckles so we can get to some joy. All right. All I'm saying is put the time card in their hand and then inch them over to the time clock. Oh, good. As long as they're holding the card, we can still punch them out. Oh, that's not what I meant, Clare. Oh, Clare. No, that's not what I meant. What? Oh, Clare, that was me. Oh, Dano, I'm sorry. Well, you.

Oh. I need to clock out of this call. Hello? Oh, Clare, this is Dano. I don't know how you managed to punch me when I was on the phone, but wow, you've got a reach. You know what, Dano? This whole call is really making me rethink some of my priorities. I think I've gotten too business-minded. Clare, I've been saying that for months now. Every time I try to make Mary, you make business. Every time I try to make Mary, you make money. Right. And Lord knows I'm not against the money or the Mary. But girl, you got to relax. What can I do, Dano? I'm so wound up and I'm like, I'm productivity and popularism and Pope Paul II.

Yes, all those things. The Popery of the Pope Paul from Ron Popeil. I can't believe you bought the pocket Pope. I bought the pocket Pope, but only so that I felt guilty all the time to get more work done. All right. Look, Clare, it's parade day on Pavement Avenue. This is a perfect opportunity for you to really look inward and think about what changes can you make? How can you get ready for the parade? We've only got a few minutes. I mean, the first thing that I'm thinking about is what if I reorganize my files so that I put, you know, having fun at the very top file, you know, so I can see it in the morning.

I see where you're going and I see the problem already. Having fun starts with H, Clare. How is that going to be alphabetized to the top? Dano, I'm realizing as I'm talking to you that the problem isn't just that I do too much work and I'm too work-minded. I do my work very poorly. Yes, Clare. In fact, I have some bad news for you. Oh, okay. Did you punch in this morning on the time clock? Yeah, of course I did. I put it downstairs by the water heater so I could also get my steps in. Yeah, that was good thinking and very organized. But you know, even your steps are shoddy, Clare.

I've been looking at the health app on your phone tracker and your steps are like little babies are walking. What? Like four feet at a time? I mean, four different baby feet. Like little three-inch steps, like an infant is crawling down to the time clock. And Clare, between your overworking and your underworking at the same time, what if you were able to apply your underworking to your overworking? Wait a second. Do you see how the percentages work out? It would be like Spanx on top. And? Because I have a typewriter in my underwear is what I'm trying to get to.

That would account for your awkward steps. Yeah, but I'm continuing to enter spreadsheets if you know what I'm saying. I think I know what you're saying. That would also account for the bell ringing on every fourth step. Yes. And your quick return. Yeah, exactly. And my little woo. So Clare, already, I think having a little woo in your step is a step in the right direction. This is the sort of fun-loving, free-spirited, pixie-like Clare that I think is going to make the offices more welcoming. Woo! There you go. Oh boy, oh boy. I wish some of our frolickers could see that sort of activity.

You know what's great is I just completed your last week's worksheet. Dano, did you know you missed two days of work for frolicking? Clare, it's parade week. Parade day is surrounded by parade week, and if a fella can't take a couple days off during parade week, come on! You know, Dano, this is making me feel a little guilty. I'm sorry, why? Well, I didn't let you know that we got a request to be in a float, have an expertise float on parade day. Oh, Clare, that would have been so much fun, but I guess it was too much fun. It was too much fun, I thought. For old, serious Clare.

Yeah. Woo! You know, I just responded to them and asked if there's still room for us to have a float. Clare, I think there's room in your pants. Um, I'm waiting for a response from the typewriter. Do you have Wi-Fi? Yes, yes. I see. Oh, Dano, there's still room. We can still create an expertise float this afternoon and get it to the parade on time. That's great news. Clare, hang on, you get the papier-mâché paste ready, I'm going to tear up some newspaper strips and I'll be right there! Woo! Talk to you soon!