The ExperTeam Plans for Christmas

Warning, this is not the Expertise podcast. This is an illegally recorded phone conversation about the Expertise podcast. By listening, you are a party to that illegality. And that's the best kind of party there is. Hello, offices of Expertise, this is Clare Sera. Hey Clare, this is your podcast partner Danno calling. This is our weekly business call when we get together and talk about the things that are important to our business. We've been getting some mail about charity donations to some associations. Us to give charity donations? I would prefer to accept, but yes, for us to give.

Yes, okay. I know that our income is starting to ratchet up as the podcast gains in popularity. Right. But I'm surprised that the word is out on the street. Well, it's on the street where the people need the money. So should we donate to organizations or just go out on the street and distribute cash, do you think? I think we should give to the street. Because if the street was a more pleasant place to be, that might help the people who are on it. Well, interestingly, one of the groups we heard from was the Asphalt Society. I think it's the big asphalt company.

Yes, and they sent a big ass letter asking if we could make a big ass contribution. Whose fault is that? It's no one's fault, but asphalt. I would definitely contribute 10% of our... Okay, 10% is good. That's a tithe, right? That's a tithe, which comes from the word Thai, which means 10. Oh, Thai means 10? Yes. So what is Thailand? Ten land. It's because they've gone metric. A lot of those Asian countries have. Yes. Chai means 20. China is 20 now. Wow, I wish we could get an expert on this topic. This sounds fascinating. Well, we should get an expert on this because if we are going to be donating Thai of our funds to different places, I mean, we want to be careful that we're not giving out Chai, Phi, Mai Tai.

Do you know what a Mai Tai is? What's a Mai Tai, Claire? It's 50-10. Of what? 50% rum, 10% regret. Now, Claire, you're a lot more religious than I am. Yes. And I know you've been tithing 10 to the church as well. Yes. Is that 10 from the general fund or 10 just from your fund? Well, I've been giving 10 from the general fund so that the blessing would fall upon the whole podcast. I don't know if I appreciate that or if I am insulted, Claire. Well, Dano, is there a, perhaps there's an atheist fund you would like to give to? Atheist is a number two in some languages.

It's the number zero for the number of souls saved. That does make a lot of sense. So eighth is zero? Yes. As in Henry VIII. Oh, yeah. Who had zero soul. He was excommunicated and had eight wives. That's right. Yeah. Those numbers are tricky, aren't they? Well, in oldie language, they are. Ye are right. Well, I think that balances us out. If we give 10% to my church and 10% to your eighth church, we should be pretty much covered for heaven and hell. So do we get heavenly credit just for donating money to charity? Oh, yeah. It basically is like a tip jar at the pearly gates.

Oh. You know, for when you're walking through, they look in, you know, how many tips did you give? You know, St. Peter looks into the tip jar with your name on it. And says, man, what are you doing here? He doesn't like it if you put bread in his jar. He's gluten sensitive. I wanted to ask you about Secret Santa this year. Oh, yes. Do you think we should do it? Oh, we definitely. This will be our first Christmas. Well, I think it would be a really sort of bonding employee situation. That'd be really fun. So there's you and there's me. Yeah. And I'm not sure how Secret Santa works.

We put our names in a jar. Okay. And then we reach in and you pick a name out of the jar. What if you pick your own name? How do you keep that a secret from yourself? So I think what we'll do is we'll put our names each in a jar. As we draw names, we're not allowed to look. And then we each get each other a present. And then at the end, we'll reveal which name we got. If you got your own name, then we switch presents. Oh, I like that, Daniel. That's a good one. Yeah. That'll be easy. But apart from that, no presents, let's say. Well, right. Apart from that, yes.

I know how you are. Cards, though. Cards? Cards are lovely, Claire. And I don't consider cash in a card to be a present. So if you're thinking along those lines. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I know what my favorite charity is, and its initials are DS. Damn straight. Beep. Are you feeling okay about the way the podcast is going, about our performances? I feel that the reviews we've been getting from our fact-checkers have not been as encouraging as I would like. Yeah. I have felt exactly the same way, to the point that, without telling you, I've hired a backup fact-checker to fact-check the fact-checker.

Oh. And I'm offering 10% of everything that's left over from our tithing and charity work to that fact-checker to make sure the scale is tipped our way a little bit, if you know what I'm saying. Oh. Donald, that's how business gets done. Yes. And that seems like a very reasonable expense to me. Yeah. I approve that expense. Would it work? Could we just can the original fact-checker? And just have our own fact-checker that we pay personally to check the facts. Right. Right. Yeah. Rather than contradict the original facts, why not just start with facts that work?

Cut out the middleman. Exactly. Yeah. I think that a fact-checker who's on our side is a fact-checker who's going to get the work done that we need to have done. That's money well spent. We're up to about 70% of our budget right now. Well, that's the cost of doing business in America today. 70%. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I did not intend to focus in on budget things. You know, I was thinking we could have a family fun portion of the podcast. Yes. I love that idea. With clowns or ice skaters, something like that? Yeah. Even if they were in the background while we were talking, just to give that sort of uplifting feel.

Oh. Claire, I thought that's where you got the idea. I always have a clown behind me while we're doing the podcast. That is where I got the idea, Dano. That's Twinkos, the lovable clown. That sounds like he is a pretty young man from Greece. She, Claire, is a pretty young man from Greece. Debatable. Twinkos, the clown, is a beloved favorite around these parts. And I'm reluctant to say, but I guess in the name of honesty, I should let you know that that's been coming out at 30%. Oh. Twinkos is not cheap. But for the entertainment that I get, it keeps me motivated.

It keeps me inspired while we're working so hard to churn out our own entertainment. Well, Dano, I myself have been holding back from getting some kind of entertainment that would keep me going. Like perhaps a man spinning a hamburger on a parasol. Something that would really keep me going and make me happy. Claire, does he provide his own hamburgers or is that just another expense on top of an expense? No, no. He comes fully equipped. Great. I'm in. All right. I'll tell you what. Let's cut the duration of our podcast down to about half. We can use the money saved to pay for our own individual entertainment at our own recording studios.

This makes so much sense. I think that's how math works. Yes. And I think that's how entertainment works.