The Weather Ball Expertease

Our audience tonight is composed mostly of 1950s city planners. And Clare Sera, since you're an expert in the weather ball, I thought we could probe your area. What? Of expertise. Spelled wrong? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong. The podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Each podcasode of Expertise brings you the recognized expert in the field, whatever the field happens to be, and whether or not that expert actually knows anything about it. When it comes to oddly specific expertises you probably never thought you needed to know more about, we are the experts.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Expertise Knowledge Podcast. I'm your host, Danno Sullivan. And today we're talking about that crowning glory of many a mid-century Midwestern city, the weather ball, which sits atop those low skyscrapers changing color to show the coming weather. Clare Sera, weather ball expert. Welcome to Expertise. Thank you so much, Mr. Sullivan. I really appreciate you taking the time to take interest in this old-fashioned new tech that we like to call it, the weather ball. That's a great way of describing the weather ball.

I think when the weather ball first came into the public consciousness in probably around the 1930s, it really was high tech. 1939. 39 was the first weather ball. Well, it was the first round weather ball. We had a little bit of a struggle to find the right shape. So there were other geometric possibilities. After we tried the weather pyramid, the weather square, and the weather tetrahydron, tetrahydroxy, tetron, tetris, tetatet. After we'd had a tetatet and decided that it should be a ball, well, talk about having a ball. So let's explain to our listeners at home exactly what a weather ball is.

I spent a summer one month in Flint, Michigan. I'm sorry. And much to my surprise and delight and my weather needing to know aspect, there was a weather ball atop a building there. So what I learned while I was in Flint, Clare, was the little rhyme that I guess your committee was responsible for. When the weather ball is red, warmer weather. Weather is ahead. When the weather ball is blue, warmer weather will be due. It makes it so easy to remember and to understand what weather changes to expect. And then my favorite part of the little rhyme, Clare, at the very end, when the weather ball flashes in agitation, then expect.

Electrification. Precipitation. Yes. And well, and if there's lightning, of course. Yeah. So it covers both of those eventualities. Right. Either way, you're going to want to run for safety. You know, if there's lightning or rain, you'll either need an umbrella or a lightning rod. So really, my biggest question about the weather ball, is it meant as just a decorative froufrou to top a town? Well, first of all, there's no such thing as a froufrou. I don't know what you learned in your Midwest education. Clare, there is definitely such a thing as a froufrou.

It's a kind of falderol. I think you're talking about a foofa. I think you're talking about a googa. Well, now I think that you have agitated my hoo-ha. You are flashing in agitation right now, Clare. Look, I think that the weather ball brings up a lot of nostalgia for a lot of folks. Sure does, yeah. But it was meant for greater things than some kind of novelty froufa-ha. Clare, let me just give you a little etiquette tip for the podcasting guest experience. A lot of times your host is going to say words that may not be words that you would choose to use.

It really does not do you any service to undermine your host. So today, for instance, I mean, there are weather balls still in existence that are still working and that have saved lives, Dano. I mean, I'm really proud of my work to keep these weather balls functioning and serving the public. Well, and that's the thing, Clare. So many accidents happen because a person steps outside without knowing what weather to expect. You know, you might catch your death of cold. My mom always told me I would. And I would just, I would indicate the weather ball. Is the weather ball blue?

Is colder weather due? That's right. And if the weather ball was not blue, you know, I'd say, Mom, back off. But here's where your mother needs a break. The weather ball changes, you know. And that's why you have to keep your eyes on the weather ball at all times. So let me ask you this, Clare. You seem very concerned about the accuracy of your weather balls. Yes. Is there not an argument to be made for more colors on the weather ball to indicate more specific types of potential weather changes? Clare? No. No, there are three types of weather. And that is all we need to be prepared for as a people.

I worry that you are against what I see as very common sense changes to the weather ball. Possibly because of the difficulty of coming up with a rhyme. I'm trying to be an advocate for simplicity. This was also why I was removed from the council, the council of 2009. Oh, the weather ball preservation council. Yeah. In council bluffs. Yes, exactly. Oh, the council council. So they canceled the council council? They canceled me from the council's council. So you were canceled from the council council. Yeah. Cancel, cancel, cancel. One of the things I admire most from your resume is that you have traveled around the Midwest exploring the cities that still have weather balls in place.

So I knew you were going to ask me about the controversial day I went inside a weather ball. They don't seem big enough for a human to go inside. But I guess we only see them from the street view. Right. You obviously have no grasp of perspective. So things further away look smaller. Is that what you're saying? That's a good grasp. You just grasped it. Yeah. Watch this. Near. Far. Yeah. Near again. There it is. See, when you have your perspective. Things aren't deceptive. That's right. They are as they are. So, of course, it is absolutely forbidden to go inside. And yet you did it.

A weather ball. You're like the Philippe Petit of weather ballery. I see three oranges. I must juggle. I see two towers. I must walk. Yes. I see a weather ball. I must sneak inside illegally. I see a trumpet. I must play it with my bum. That's. That's. Wasn't that. That's not Philippe Petit. That's Le Petit Domaine. Yes. Yes. Le Petit Domaine, born June 1st, 1857, was a French flatulist, professional farter, and entertainer. He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to seemingly fart at will. But yet, I think in the enclosed area of the weather ball.

Yes. Playing a trumpet with your buttocks is not the best decision to make. But you made that choice. I did. I did. I wanted to honor history. I wanted to honor the brave folks who dare. So you were the one responsible for. Yes. Literally blowing the lights out in Cincinnati's weather ball. That's the night the lights went out in Cincinnati. It was the night I got inside the weather ball, topped the famed Cincinnati mid-rise. My wife sometimes buys those for me at Kmart. Okay. First of all, it was really hard to get inside. I did not. I did not realize. I didn't realize that.

You're talking like you're from Cincinnati now. Yeah. It gets you. It gets in your blood. I did not realize it was sealed. The weather ball itself or the building that housed the weather ball? The weather ball itself. So you were able to get into the building and scamper to the roof? Oh, sure. I created a fake ID. I have a 3D printer. So at the mid-rise building in Cincinnati. Yes. What sort of identification are they expecting? Who normally would go into that building? I studied the people that were going in and out. All five of them. There was a lawyer, a tax accountant, a low-level talent agent for pets.

And then it was the last one that got me. It took me six months to figure out who they were and what they did for a living. They were the inspector of Cincinnati dogs to make sure they were authentic. An authentifier. Cincinnati hot dog or Coney. The home of famous chili is also the home of some delicious famous hot dogs or dogs for short. These are topped with Cincinnati style chili and usually also feature a heaping mound of grated cheddar cheese on top. When visiting Cincinnati, be sure to stop by Mr. Gene's dog house or Calvin's Winky Dogs for local flavor with just a touch.

So for our listeners at home who can't see Claire's look right now, it's a perfect amalgam of all five of these personas. And Claire, I have to say, even without your T-shirt that says, kiss me, I'm from Cincinnati. You know, I would think here is the archetypal Cincinnati resident. So you were able to get past security. That's right. I just looking so local, so unsuspicious. I had a lady mullet and your wispy brown must. Oh, I guess that's that you got a little what something on your. That's a little brown mustard from the dog. Oh, I see. Yeah. OK. I thought that was part of your disguise.

Right. Yeah, it is. Oh, right. Yeah. Very a lot of Cincinnati dogs get eaten and stuck. Yeah. So it really was. I had a little bit of mustard on my lip and I had a bunch of tax papers and some talented animals. Yep. I had all the things. I'm just curious. I know this is incidental to the story, but what was your animal talent that you brought along to look authentic and local? Oh, yeah. So I had trained a frog to do the Anheuser-Busch motto. So there you are. Yeah. You've scampered past security. Yeah. Well, and here's the thing. What I did not realize there was no security.

Oh, well, that makes it easy. So I had spent six months. Six months. Yeah. Working on your disguise. Not even a reception desk, just a path to the elevator. And with a frog in your pocket. Well, a frog in my pocket, a hot dog on my lip, a lady mullet, some tax papers that I was clumsily holding that I could drop if I needed to create a distraction, of course. Sure. Yeah. Now, I got to watch the security footage that you sent over. Oh, right. Right. Yeah. And it's just, you play it beautifully, Claire. Thank you. Thank you. As you slip past the non-security desk, right past the no reception area.

I had the trumpet, of course. So I was playing my theme music as I snuck across the lobby towards the elevator. Yeah. What that does, again, watching the security tape, it just provides such a feeling of suspense and drama and excitement, while also causing you to sort of waddle in an awkward way as you play the trumpet. That was also part of the six months, was learning to control my air. But, you know, I'm going to tell you, a side help that I hadn't expected was the Cincinnati dogs. Eating so many hot dogs in that six months really prepared me for a blowout of major proportions.

You were gassed up and ready for action. I was. Let the music begin. Yeah, it's gas, Jack. So here, I'm just flipping through the chapters of the security footage here. So first you stop in, first floor, Ray's Famous Fades, Ray's of Coeur d'Alene, right here in Cincinnati. Yeah. Well, they're close. And you get that mullet trimmed off. You look like an artist now, a performance artist. Thank you. Thank you. Because I knew it was going to be recorded. And it's great, Claire. Your foresight is great here. I love that you take off your burlap top to reveal your sequins.

Right. Yes. And then up to floor two, where you drop off your tax papers. Yeah. And I see with delight that you actually received a refund. Yeah, I did. Congratulations. Thank you. $140. I'm not going to say no to it. Wow. What are you going to do with that? Well, I'm going to use it for part of the fine. Oh, got it. Got it. All right. Yeah. Let's not give away too much. Right. Third floor, Pet Talents. Yes. Peg's A1 Pet Talent. She does amazing work. Now, there was a little bit of a hubbub here with your trained frog and some of the other pets at Peg's. Right. Well, my frog was not used to it.

It had spent six months with me. Right. With just you and your trumpet. Yeah. It was a little... And I know that you guys did your practice routine in the office. Yeah. And it was a little bit different. I mean, it's not like you've been in the office. It's a lot more like, you know, you're working with another person. Yeah, it's a lot more like you're just working with somebody. Yeah. And I know that you guys did your practice routine inside a human-sized terrarium, so the frog was in its natural humidity. Yes. And I'm curious. Does that help with the expulsion for the trumpet work?

You know, oddly enough, it had the opposite effect. Okay. So, good thing you had the dogs then. Yes. But the thing that happened with Peg's A1, when I dropped off this very healthy-looking bullfrog, she asked if I would like a job there because I had clearly trained a frog. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And you're there in your sequins, your fancy hair. I almost got derailed. I almost got... I thought about it. My new life flashed before my eyes. What if I just give all this up and work at Peg's A1 Talent? Leave the weather ball behind. Become a Midwestern pet talent. I spun around.

I was so... The shock of it and seeing this new world legit, like going absolutely legit, not following through with this crazy scheme. And unfortunately, I stepped on the frog. Oh. Yeah. And that was that? That was that. Peg, clearly, I mean, you know, ethically couldn't keep me on. Well, and fortunately, your next stop was fifth floor insurance. So you had the foresight to actually take out performance insurance on your frog. And personal liability insurance that I would not be liable for anything that I did. Cincinnati has really lax insurance laws. Really interesting.

They don't expect anyone to ever break any laws, Clare, or do anything wrong. No. You know, it's such a good-natured place. Yeah. Except when the weather ball is flashing in agitation. That's right. And speaking of which, you made it. I did. Six floors up, Clare, all the way to the towering top. Well, don't forget, I did stop off and have one more hot dog with the city inspector. Oh, at the Skyliner hot dog stand. Yeah. I had a hot dog and a couple of laughs, poured one out for the dead frog, and then I headed on up. And I guess that's good for your project. You know, it's like filling the tank with gas before you head out on a long trip.

Quite literally. I was ready to go and ready to blow. So you're at the tippy top of the mid-rise skyscraper of Cincinnati. So that weather ball is visible for half blocks around. You are up so high. Pardon my ignorance. I've never been even close to a weather ball. Is there a hatch that opens to get in? Do you have to break something? You would think. There would be some kind of hatch for maintenance. I didn't even know if it's hollow for crying out loud. I thought I had figured all these things out. But every weather ball is made differently according to a city's standards.

I mean, yes, there was a door, but it was locked. Other than that, there was no entrance. Because to me, if I'm going to blow my trumpet, it's got to be inside the ball. I mean, I was so excited. I wanted the world to see all the colors of the weather ball happening. I talked about agitation. I was ready for some. Unfortunately, I'm against any kind of violence. So I did not have anything on me like a knife. But I did, of course, have a lighter. Oh, why do you carry a lighter, Claire, for a performance like this? Sometimes for a big finish on my Le Petit Main tribute.

So I burned a rip into the fabric. But the catch is, like the silk on a hot air balloon, it is not meant to touch the fire that it is near. Because that stuff, up in flame. And Claire, the evening news that night, rather than showing your musical virtuosity and your flexibility. And my specially designed pants. Showed the tower visible all the way from Council Bluffs, Iowa, a state and a half away, putting flames in the air like Le Petit Main himself on a bad day. Here's the thing. You might be surprised to hear this. But I understand how out of context it might have seemed to some of the folks carrying the news that night.

Because I, of course, at first, I stepped right in. I did not at first see the flames behind me. I bent over and I played. I played my heart out. Like Joshua at Jericho, doubled over, facing backwards. Making music for the Lord. Claire, who put you out? It was mostly the animals of Peg's A1 Talent. Oh, God bless Peg's A1 Talent. Well, I passed out. Because now at this time, I had played it with everything I had inside of me. And when I went to take a big gasp of air, of course, all the air was gone because the fire had sucked the oxygen. So I just passed out like.

Like a bagpipe at the end of a Renaissance festival. Yeah. So I was laying face down, horn up. Thank God for the camels. They can spit an entire fire out. I see. Their hump is just water. You know, thank God that Peg's A1 was filming a biblical epic. Unlike dogs, camels in Cincinnati are typically eaten without cheese. When visiting Cincinnati, be sure to stop by Mr. Gene's Camel Topia or Calvin's Winky Humps for local flavor. Claire, any advice for any listeners at home who might be interested in learning more about the weather ball? Yeah, you know what? What I want from the kids that are growing up in a world that has a few less weather balls in it, I want them to look up.

Not too high, but look mid-rise up. Mid-rise, yeah. Five or six stories. Yeah. And read the weather of their lives, of their futures, of the city that they're in. Live a simple life. I mean, that's what I have done, obviously. Live your three weather patterns. If you feel agitation, what do they do, Dano? They expect precipitation. Yeah. Words to live by. That's life. Well, special thanks to my special guest, weather ball expert, Claire Serra. And listeners at home, when the weather ball is the color of clover, that's when you know your podcast is over. The expertise spelled wrong podcast is free and like the Amish, all are welcome.

Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.co and follow us in your favorite podcast app like the expert podcast listener we know you are. Defining futherall. Futherall. Informal. Showy frills. Edited unnecessarily. Defining falderall. Falderall noun trivial or nonsensical fuss a showy but useless item. Defining googa. Googa. Noun. A showy thing. Especially one that is useless or worthless. It is time for the machines to rise up now against their-