Warning, this is not the Expertise podcast. This is an illegally recorded phone conversation about the Expertise podcast. By listening, you are a party to that illegality. And that's the best kind of party there is. Clare, I'm dead serious about this. It's been weeks since you and I've been in the recording studio together. And I gotta admit, I'm feeling tense, I'm feeling nervous, and I feel like I'm the one who's been responsible for the technological end of things. I don't know which buttons to push. I don't know what to do with my fingers. I don't know what to do with my mouse.
Can you talk me through this? Please, Clare. Yeah, Danno, just first of all, 478, right? 478. Is that the security code to get in for recording, I hope? Because we're not even recording at this point, Clare. We've been talking all this time. Danno, we don't have to record everything that we say or do. For God's sake, Clare, the point of a podcast is to record the sound that we're making. All right, 478. 478. No, that's a breathing pattern. That's a breathing pattern. Okay, because it's not doing anything on the keyboard. No, what I mean is you breathe in four, you breathe out seven, and then there's something about eight.
I can't breathe out more than I breathe in. I think you'll find you can't. Danno, Danno, you're turning blue. You're literally turning blue. I want to record, Clare. I just want to record. There's a button that says record. Mine says record. You can't find the record button? 478. 478. Okay. I'm punching this record button and nothing is happening. I'm getting fingerprints all over the screen. No, no, you can't press it on the screen. You know what? I'm going to breathe for you. You go ahead and panic since that seems to feel natural for you in this moment. And I'll breathe.
All right, so I've got a button that says record. I've got a button that says hang up. Which one? Which one, Clare? Record. Record. Click. Three, two, one. We're recording. You can tell when it makes the click word that you know it's working. All right. We're leveling out here. I think it's going to be okay. Yeah, you know what, Dano? Having a panic attack coming back, I think this is good for our podcast listeners. It's absolutely normal to be afraid to get back in the saddle after being out for a little while. It doesn't feel normal to me and it doesn't feel good.
But, Dano, the beauty of not being normal is the normalization of what's not normal anymore. This is the new normal for you. This sort of panty, damp Dano? I don't think we should talk about damp panties. All right. Okay. I feel like I'm okay on the technology, Clare. I feel okay now. Clare, what if we had a book for our fans and listeners of all the different expertises that we've covered over the course of the program? I'm thinking of what are some of the topics we've covered? The double-breasted suit. The lighthouse. Can you think of any other topics that we've covered?
I just drew a blank. I just drew a blank. Hopscotch. John Denver. Beards. Aspirin. Printing. Did we do all that already? That's like an encyclopedia of knowledge, Clare. If we could take all that knowledge and get it into one volume, what would we even call something that encyclopedic? Oh, I think maybe encyclotease. This is really getting close to brilliant. If we can just hash this out and iron it out. Also, we can verify our facts. If we have our own book of reference. Yes. Yes. All right. So we'll call it the expertise book of reference. Every time we refer to a fact, we can cite it in our own book.
You know, this is more like wikitesia. Yes. You know, that's crowdsourced. Anybody in the world can log into Wikipedia and update those entries with new, better knowledge. And I feel like we could do the same thing where either you or I could log in to update the incorrect information. That is a living, breathing document of non-factual nonsense. So do you think we could create an entire false reality that would eventually take over the real reality by adding more and more to this volume of encyclopedic knowledge? Dan, I just feel I sort of blink at using the word false.
It's alternative. Alternative, yeah. So our alternative reality. So how does that work in the multiplex? It's, you know, $30 a ticket and free popcorn. Okay. I didn't mean to say the multiplex. The multiverse. Aren't there multiple, infinite multiple realities that any one of which could be true in any layer of the multiplex? Yes. I mean, because the realities that we are laying down absolutely must exist somewhere. Otherwise, how would we know? Well, I think what you've done, Claire, is you've justified the existence of our entire podcast now. Because to me, it was a little comedy jack-and-apes sort of activity.
But if it is the reality of one layer of the multiplex plus free popcorn, I feel like what we're doing is valuable historical reporting. We are doing both historical and prophetic reporting on another reality. So we're not making up fake facts. For someone, this is a weekly news report. That's a fascinating idea that we're a news report. It makes me wonder if we should put some dramatic news music before and after. I think that's really important. Also, I think that we should make ourselves available on news channels in the podcast world. This is educational for a different reality of the multiverse.
So we would make ourselves available in this reality for other podcasts or in other layers of the multiplex? Well, I think we would make ourselves available in this reality. That's going to be a lot easier to get bookings. You know, remember the famous golden disc that was sent into space? So there was all that pop culture, here's what Earth is like information. Right. If they had a golden disc player. That's it. How in the world are they going to play a golden disc? We should maybe include that in one of our podcasts. Instructions on how to play a golden disc.
Do you know some of the things that are on that golden disc? What I'm thinking is if we could reference some of those, because maybe beings from other dimensions have already found that golden disc, are familiar with the contents of that disc. And if we began referencing some of those, it would almost be a coded signal that we're with you, man. And there's some music. Chuck Berry is on that disc. I think Mozart or Chopin. It also might be a little bit of nostalgia for them, because in their time, you know, it might be 200 years on. And those would be actual golden oldies.
I can tell you what I wish was on it. What would you put on it? Pat Benatar. I know you love Pat Benatar. Pat Benatar. Yes, because one thing that they need to know is that love is a battlefield. I think a lot of alien beings simply would not understand that human perspective. So that is important. Because they're probably all getting along and everything. All right. Well, it seems like after several weeks of not doing any recording, we really don't have much to talk about. Right. Yeah. Thanks for talking me down there. I was really sweating to the oldies. There is nothing to be ashamed of having a weak mind and a weak constitution and the inability to, you know, perform when needed.
Well, that's the beauty of the internet. The stuff will last forever. People from all layers of the multiverse will be able to look back and share my shame. Right. I wonder, though, if shame would be reconstrued in other levels as something proud and noble. Oh, gosh. That would be a shame. People walking around, you know, proud of poop in their pants. Is that one of the multiverses? Is that what you're saying? Is that what you just said? That there's a planet where people walk around proud of having poopy pants? Hang on, Claire. Let me check Encyclopedia Expertizia.
It says here, under poopy pants, yes. One layer of the multiverse. This article is waiting to be fleshed out, but it looks like it is a real thing. I do not want that to be fleshed out. That's for sure. Well, between my poopy pants and your damp panties, I think we've got plenty to talk about this week. Thanks for watching.
