The Wild, Wild Yeast Expertease

Tonight, our topic is Sourdough Starter. And Danno Sullivan, that is your Expertise. Spelled wrong? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong, the podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Danno Sullivan, welcome to the program this afternoon and evening, because it is going to be a long one. Well, that's the thing, Clare. If you are a lover of sourdough, you know that it takes at least 24 hours to go from proof to eaten. That is what is exciting about this old fashioned notion. You know, we're in a fast food times.

We're at fast times at fast food high. And that's what we're trying to avoid, Clare, is that fast food high that so many people just rely on now. You know, they get all fired up and they just need more fast food. And that's what we're all about. You've heard of the slow food movement? I've heard of it. Sourdough, Clare, is so slow. There's no movement. So we don't talk about the slow food movement. We just talk about slow food. And then we really, really slow down from there. And if you'll give me just a second. Yeah, yeah. Then, finally. Right. Yep, yep. From that slowness, we get to sourdough starter.

It's almost an oxymoron that anything that slow can start. Well, it's funny that you would put it that way because in your book. Loafing around with Dano. You actually claimed that the original sourdough starter of San Francisco was created by a moron. Oh, you're referring to the moron and oxymoron. Yes, yes, yes. Well, that's the beautiful thing. Making sourdough from starter, Clare, is so simple that even a moron can do it. And a moron did do it. This was a very thick little fella named Joe, Joe, Joe. I mean, even his name is dumb, if you don't mind me saying, which is great.

Well, and those are actually his three names. You know, he was part of the Joe family. They named him Joe, Joe. And so this was back, of course, this was the 1800s, I believe. 1840s. Right. And little Joe, Joe, you gotta say his name slow, slow, you see. Slow is a very important part of this entire movement and this talk. So I just recommend everyone listen to this at two times the speed, because when I went back and edited it, it's a real slog. So tell us about the genius of this slow moron, Joe, Joe. The genius of the idea sprang forth like the bread from sourdough starter itself.

There were spores in the air of ideas. But I never heard them singing. Till there was Joe, Joe. So Joe, Joe's family were extremely poor. You know, that's where a lot of the slow, dumb people come from, is the poor families. So as you know, the spore that spawns the sourdough bread that we all love so is a living thing. A living thing. The family of Joe, Joe were so, so poor. Right. That for the young boy, a simple spore counted as a pet. A pet spore, isn't it? Now, did they live down in the Bowery? I imagine they lived in the Bowery. They did. They lived in the Bowery in New York City, just outside of San Francisco.

Right. Oh, my gosh. Is that what you were thinking of? Those days. Because, you know, cities didn't want the poor, and they would just, you know, move them along, move them along. One day, you know, you're on the sidewalk on 134th Street. Yeah. And the next day, you're... You're in the Boweries of Pier 39. What a time. What a time to be alive. So, I'm sorry, you were talking about Joe, Joe's pet spore. So, all children love pets, don't they, Claire? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Did you ever have pets as a kid? I absolutely had five different pets. And did you ever decide to eat any of them?

I wouldn't say it was a decision. But think of the joy that a little kitten brings to a small child on Christmas morning. So much. Or a scampering puppy on a spring day. Oh, yes. In the arms of children making daisy chains in the field. Here, rascal. I mean, you're taking me right back to my childhood. And so, that's how it was for Joe, Joe. I'm not completely sure that he knew he had a pet because spores, you know, are not visible to the naked human eye. Right. But he was so, so poor that not only did he have naked eyes, but his entire body, Claire, was unclothed.

And I believe that the spores were attracted to the buildup of filth on his skin or epidermis, as we say in the cookbooks, right? Well, right, right. Back then, before global warming had really impacted the Earth's gentle ecosystem, San Francisco was so much warmer. San Francisco is not only close geographically to the Bowery of New York City, but also to some of the most productive volcanoes on Earth, Claire. So, there was a great... Of course. I mean, that's where the Great Fire came from, I would imagine. Yep. Started by the eruption of Mount Malakaloa some years before.

So, a young, filthy, naked boy covered with sores and spores, you know, that was kind of what the kids around the neighborhood would call them. Here comes old sores and spores. Right. For a little boy-boy like Joe-Joe. Yeah. There was no antiseptic, Claire. Everything that landed on his body lived on his body. Right. Now, the bitter bite came about from Billy Bixler's biting dog. The vinegary taste. Poor little Joe-Joe going around in all his nakedity. Yes. Was nothing if not a target to the rabid dogs of his downtrodden neighborhoods. So, on July the 2nd of 1850...

Oh, yes. He is known to have been attacked by Billy Bixler's biting dog. It's almost as complicated as how the Big Bang came about. You know, how we came into existence. Like, all these things had to happen at the exact right time. What are the possibilities of these actually happening, you know, without some sort of intelligent design behind it, right? Right. Yes. And that was not Joe-Joe. And folks look back on this now, Claire, and there's virtually a religious movement that has formed around the lovers, the worshipers. Yeah. Of what we call the sourdough bread.

And to them, it's little Joe-Joe with his slow, slow methods of baking bread that they admire so. So, you could step into... You and I would call it a bakery. They would call it a house of worship. A house of worship. House of bread. And I was just wondering if we might get a scoop here at Expertise. I mean, does the original sourdough starter... I'm talking about Joe-Joe's fleshy spores origin. Does it still exist in a vault somewhere? Claire, give me just a second here. I am going to slip out of this heavy woolen overcoat you see me wearing. Yes. And just beneath that is a tweed blazer.

Yes. Very nice. Yes. Pull that up. And then this vest also comes off. Sorry. Lots of buttons. Yes. And beneath there, Claire, do you see the strap around my shoulder attached to an old army sock? Let me just peel that open. It's almost like a policeman would think you were carrying. It looks like it's some kind of a gun holster. Guess what? I am carrying. What? I am answering your question. Wait a sec. Oh my gosh. This is like the crimson chalice that Christ drank the blood from. The one with the pellet from the palace. The pellet from the palace. This is the artifact that lovers of sourdough bread around the world have been skeptical about.

Let me just take it out. And this is the blessed Tupperware. It's the Holy Grail, ladies and gentlemen. And take a whiff of that. That's a little bit of spore and sore right there. I'm not close enough to actually smell it, but I can see the air is waving in front of your face. I got to keep the lid on because, you know, this is powerful stuff. I'm a little woozy. I feel slightly rabid around the edges. I got to say, Claire, it's a good thing we're not actually in the same room and we're doing this podcast by call. This stuff is so powerful. If there's any flour in the room, bread dough, springs, women become pregnant.

Dano, you've sprouted a beard just in the time that we've been speaking. Yeah. You know, Dano, now that you're saying it, I'm not sure you should be carrying that so close to the yeasty must of your underpants. Claire, you know me so well. You read the appendix in my book, didn't you? I loved the appendix. Where I describe all the scents of my own body. Claire, I've got to keep this starter next to the heat of my body to keep it alive. It is a living organism. It is the living remnants handed down from generation to generation, from Joe, Joe to his children, Joe and Joe, and also Joe, Joe, Jr.

And on and on down the line. So it's kind of a racy story how I got it. I don't know if you have time for that or care to hear it. Dano, I would absolutely love to hear it. I would have to ask you to edit that heavily. We do try to keep a clean podcast, you know, all ages. And what you hinted at in the appendix of how you came to be carrying pieces of Joe, Joe and rabid dog saliva on your person, if you can call it a person. I'm not sure it's really family friendly. Well, Claire, this is what happened. In my personal story, working backwards, you know, in the year 1992, there were three of us all together down by the Bowery.

Isn't that when you fell into the and grabbed the. Oh, I didn't grab the. I grabbed the. I mean, it was full on with everybody at that time. Was a combination of and. Combine all those things together. I'm not going to call it murder, and I'm not going to say that there were any illegal transactions, but there was plenty of. So I hope that version of the story will suffice. Well, gosh, you know, Dano, I'm I feel like we're ending on a little bit of a sour note instead of starting on one. I just I wonder if you could just tell us where we could today find some of this bread.

Claire, I have good news as valuable as this little nugget of sourdough starter that I carry with me at all times is it's growing every day. It multiplies every day. These spores are out in the world. It's like Pokemon Go. You got to catch them all. I would advise your listeners to go out, get those sores running, if possible, stand in front of a rabid dog. You know, let's recreate that miracle of creation that happened so long ago with Joe. Joe and each person can be responsible for their own delicious strain of wonderful bread. I'm going to remind our listeners today that they have free will and it's up to them what kind of choices they make with their own bodies.

My body, my sores.