The Trophy Awards Expertease

Podcast guest Clare Sera. Our audience tonight is composed mostly of experts. And that's your... Expertise! Spelled wrong? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong. The podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Each podcasode of Expertise brings you the recognized expert in the field, whatever the field happens to be, and whether or not that expert actually knows anything about it. When it comes to oddly specific expertises you probably never thought you needed to know more about, we're the experts.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, podcast listeners, east, west, north and south, welcome to Expertise, the knowledge podcast. I'm your host, Danno Sullivan. And my special guest today is an expert in awards statues and trophies. May I welcome to the podcast, Clare Sera. Hello and thank you. Clare, on behalf of everybody here at the podcast, I'd just like to offer you this special trophy which we got from your store. Best greeting of a podcast guest on a podcast. Let me hand this to you. Thank you. Oh, I didn't expect it to be this heavy. You are famed worldwide in the trophy circles for the quality of the trophies that you make.

In fact, this trophy that I'm looking at now says Best Trophy Award. Yeah. Congratulations on that, by the way. Hello and thank you. Yes. I'm really curious. What's the difference between a top notch trophy like this one and the typical trophy that is given away at a third grade music ceremony, for example? Weight. I mean, the height of trophies, I think the world would agree, is the Oscar, a little man known for his movie connections. And they are made of solid gold. And you'll always notice, especially if an Oscar is presented to a petite movie star. And the first thing that they will say is...

Oh, it's heavier than I expected. So heavy. Except they'll say it in a high voice. Right. Heavier than I expected. Yes, yes. Male or female. Yes. When you're holding something heavy... It sends your voice right up. Of course, we are not yet Oscar trophy makers. Oh, oh. So that would explain this trophy. World's second best Oscar makers. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't realize there was a competition that they choose who will design and make the Oscar awards each year. It's the biggest competition between trophy makers of the year, every year. How close have you all gotten?

Well, second place. Second place, we came so close. And if it wasn't for remarks by Robert Downey Jr., we would have been the ones in there. And, you know, once you have made the Oscars, your career is made as a trophy maker. Absolutely. You've reached the heights. So you're blaming Robert Downey Jr., and I know we have lots to blame him for, but you've also put forth some fairly provocative ideas about changes to the Oscar statuette. Well, you consider them provocative. The very essence of a trophy is to mark the person receiving it as the best. Right. The best in show.

The best in their category. And the Oscars are given out for people who have had a career of sucking up to management. Right. Paying off bad people, executives, being part of the mob. So, for example, this trophy, World's Best Sucker Up to Management. Yes. You know, that's nice. It looks beautiful. Right. But it actually doesn't feel very good to receive. But here's the thing. And I think this is what Mr. Downey Jr. had a problem with. I, of course, was not going to print that on the actual trophy, but I had subtly redesigned Oscar himself to have blowfish lips for being a suck up.

He had a flattened bottom, easier to kiss. He had very, very thin shoulders because it's not a statuesque way to make a living, let's face it. Yeah. And I'd made him a little thinner. So he was thin, giant sucking lips, flat bottomed, and with part of his back of his head missing, where the brain could, should have been. So, like artists throughout history, you are absolutely steeping your artwork in symbolism. A hundred percent. If you are receiving a trophy for being the best of a thing, you want that trophy to represent all the elements that got you to the heights.

So really an insulting trophy all around. Now, if you find the truth insulting, I guess, you know, we could say that that's insulting. I mean, you probably are an actor if you can't take a little bit of, you know, hard fact. No, no. Please, you don't know how thrilling it is to hear the truth coming out of Hollywood. Phony wood is what we call it out here in the Midwest. So I do more trophies than just for the nonsense in Hollywood. Yes. And in fact, I'm looking at your collection here. For our listeners at home, she has a beautiful picture book of her complete collection of trophies.

I love the first trophy, youngest trophy maker trophy. Congratulations on that one. That's real nice. Yeah. Well, you know, our company is really dedicated to the next generation of trophy makers. People think that it's very old fashioned to win a trophy or put a trophy on your mantle. People think it's old fashioned to have a mantle. I mean, most actors today don't even have mantles on their fireplaces. Yeah. Claire, we're backing off from the actors. Oh, yeah. I know. I understand your opinions about Hollywood and actors. Sorry. Sorry. It's just I don't know if you've ever seen Robert Downey Jr.'s fireplace, but it I mean, it sucks.

It's stupid. Yeah. It's a glass enclosed gas ball. Okay. And that would account for this trophy, world's most embarrassing fireplace awarded to Robert Downey Jr. He never did accept it. I still have it at the office. So I understand your attitudes about actors and Hollywood. Right. Sorry about that. Yeah. All that bull man. Right. But I just love the story of your early years when, you know, your trophies were smaller, your awards were more localized. Right. Yeah. To your world at that time when you grew up in Peoria. Peoria was famous for its competitions. Everything was a competition in Peoria.

When I was at PS 22. PS is a postscript for our listeners at home. Yes. So you were writing a lot of letters at the time? I was. And I was on my 22nd postscript. At a public school? For a competition, of course. And Dan, I'll be darned if I could win a competition. I mean, you might think that's ironic, you know, but I could not get myself. I couldn't get that 23rd letter written in time to get it into the postscript contest. So was the goal to write as many postscripts as possible? No, it was to write 23. Oh, right. Right. Because you were at PS 23. Actually, it was PS 22.

But the goal was to write 23, like to take your school to the next level. 23 postscripts. 23 postscripts. Come on. You can do it. I'm rooting for you all these years later. I'm telling you, I didn't win any athletic competitions at the school. I didn't win writing competitions. I couldn't even be last because there was always a trophy for the last in place. You weren't even best at being worst. At the time, you know, it was a tougher culture, you know, to grow up in back in the day. We didn't get just showing up trophies. And every kid in my class, it seemed, just had a string of trophies on their desk.

You know, that's the Peoria culture. Other Midwestern towns where I grew up, for example, in Kansas City, we did not subscribe to that Peoria bulls**t man with the trophy holders right on the school desks. I mean, that seems to that's creating an expectation of those students, which is unfair. The desks themselves were created to hold trophies. And boy, did you look like an a** if you didn't have a desk full of trophies. Now, Claire, earlier we were talking about when you proffered this to the Oscar board, you were turned away. I was turned away. It was a bitter, bitter day for me.

But you did not leave show business. You took it a step further. I don't think they expected you to create your own awards show designed specifically to give away your trophies. Yes, it was the great trophy show. So in the way that people win an Oscar, now they would be excited to win a trophy. And I think it's wonderful that it's not just for that show business bulls**t man. Please, I've said some lines. I've memorized some lines, sir, in a row. And I said them while standing on some blue tape, please. We are moving into a kinder, gentler trophy giving phase.

You know, my business has pivoted away from. I guess that accounts for world's best pivoter trophy, Claire. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Really nice. Yeah. The trophy awards are going out to the man on the street. You know, here's one that best man on the street. Love that trophy. Yeah. Best man on the street who is a woman. Love that trophy. Yes. What about best child with man on the street? Yes. Yeah. I'd be so honored to get that. Right. Here's one. Best child with man on the street who is not related to man and is crying. Help me. Help me. That's getting a little, that's, you know, again, you know, we're trying to stay with the lighthearted trophies that I don't know how you got that one.

That was a prototype that. Prototype. Yeah. I'm not sure. I flip it over and it says best prototype trophy, not for public distribution. That's it. That's it. I should not have mentioned that. But, you know, there is, there's something to be like, I'm glad you brought that up. There is something to be won in everything. There is something to be celebrated in everything. Even if you have mistakenly made a trophy for a pedophile, there is something to be celebrated in the fact that you did that. Now, I did not construe that trophy to be an award to a pedophile.

To me, that was an award to a kidnapper, you know, which seems like a less risque business proposition. If you're trying to sell your trophies. You know, lessons learned. Lessons learned. And trying to bring a little bit of joy to Peoria, a dark, dark city, a dark town. Yeah. But you do have to look at it from a business perspective. You know, the Chamber of Commerce is not going to get on board and want to sponsor a competition for the kidnappers of the town. You know, some things are underground deservedly so. Right. Am I right? Yes. And we have the best underground in Peoria.

I just love this. Best underground trophy awarded to Peoria. Oh, it looks like it was a tie with Sioux City. That's true. The competition has been good for them. They've really stepped up their abusive relationships, wife beating, incest. I love the little anecdote. I don't know if this is true or not, that the wife beating award went to a man who used the trophy to beat his wife. Well, you know, sometimes life gives you opportunities that you don't see. I mean, that's got to be great for publicity, right? That's what got us the TV contract for the yearly show, our trophy competition show.

Oh, the trophy awards. The trophy awards. Yes. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, I'm hoping maybe we'll see your podcast at the trophy awards. I didn't know there were any podcast awards available. Are there some that we could be eligible for? Well, not for the actual podcast. No, you know, because you need to have a trophy in order to come to the trophy awards. Oh, oh, I see. So it would be something like best trophy for a podcast trophy. Yes. So if you have been given a trophy, we can honor your trophy with a trophy about that. All right. At my next business meeting with my partners, I'm going to put that forward and see if there's some way we could get a trophy for a trophy for a trophy for a trophy.

Well, folks, I would just like to wrap up today's podcast. Oh, by accepting this award from my guest, Claire Sarah. This is a beautiful statuette. Try to pick it up. Oh, it's heavier than I expected. Oh, I think I may have ruptured my or pulled my. Oh, my God. Is that my. Dano, you know, it's a dangerous game, the trophy game. But thank goodness you'll never ever again. I'm not the one to give awards, but you have been the best guest I've ever had on the show. Claire. Thank you so much. Thanks to all our listeners at home. Have a blessed day. The expertise spelled wrong podcast is free.

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