The Danno’s Alien Abductions Expertease

Danno, you are an expert in unidentified flying objects, and so I thought we could probe your area What? of expertise. Spelled wrong? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong, the podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Expert comedy writer Clare Sera and expert comedy writer Danno Sullivan bring their expertise to other unrelated expertises. I just want to let our listeners know that indeed we do have Danno Sullivan who is an expert in unidentified flying objects and we cannot wait to find out some behind the scenes BTS of the UFOs.

Clare, I'm excited and delighted to be here in the atmosphere of your podcast. Danno, your love for the world of UFOs came from an experience you had as a child. I did have an unusual experience as a child that led me down, led me up, let's say, to the otherworldly worlds of UFOlogy. Have you ever heard of a hurricane, Clare? I have heard of a hurricane. Have you ever experienced a hurricane? I have experienced a hurricane. Were you swept up off your feet into the vortex of that dark funnel? Well, now that's where you leave me behind. I left a lot of people behind that day. I was but two years old, Clare.

What? The town? Hudson, Ohio. The weather? Bad, but not bad enough to go inside. Over that great plain came a sweeping down the dark vortex. Oh my goodness. And little two-year-old Danno was swept into that dark vortex, swirled around so many times that I lost consciousness and swirled I knew not where. Oh. When I woke up, Clare, I was 45 years old. I was able to speak six languages, none of them earth-based. I know this story has been verified by various experts in the field, but this also, it rings a little of someone who was in a coma and when they woke up were still simply babbling like the two-year-old child who entered the coma.

A lot of UFO specialists are former coma patients, so your comment is actually spot on. Clare, when you're in a coma, your consciousness has left you. A lot of people think of aliens from another planet. They focus on the planet part, but what really is important is the alien part. What is different about these creatures? Many of them, most of them are without body. Oh. Very much like a coma patient. It's all a question of perspective, Clare, because if you are the alien, you're not an alien. So you had a rich life within this alien world. This was more than you spotting UFOs.

You were transported to another culture. It is wonderful living among a people that to us seems so different, so unusual. And once you're there, it becomes so normal, so ordinary, so commonplace. I became a blacksmith on another planet. They didn't even have horses, Clare, but they wanted to glean from our culture. And I happen to know a little bit about blacksmithing and set up a blacksmith shop. They didn't need horseshoes, but I did. I would make coat hooks, other things of wrought iron, railings. They're very clumsy. The railings were very popular. Gravity isn't as strong, so falling isn't such a danger.

But they still appreciated the railings. That is certainly the colorful and sweet aspect. I get the sense you don't believe me. Well, Danno, it's more than that. I have some of the transcripts of your interviews with the doctors that I have illegally obtained. And in some of the interviews that you gave soon after coming out of the state, coma or astral. Returning from the other planet. You made some very bold claims about having various families, various alien children on various planets. Yes, on one of the planets, which was 3637 Mount Vernon Avenue, Orlando, Florida.

I had a wife, Jessica, two children, Robert, Bob. We should have named them slightly differently to help differentiate them. Meanwhile, about three blocks from there. Yes, three blocks in Earth travel. Yes, right. Yeah, 4242 Concord Avenue, also Orlando, Florida. I had another wife, Rosetta, and a daughter named Susan. So those were two of my alien families that I tried to keep them completely apart. I didn't want the two wives to know about the other alien. They were completely different cultures. They wouldn't have understood each other. They would have clashed.

So I kept up a facade, I guess you could call it, on Mount Vernon Avenue. I put forth the appearance of being an insurance salesman. And I would go to work each day to just make that feel realistic. I will say you'd go to work each day to make those children and then not pay for them or their needs or their education. Well, did you investigate in all your investigative fervor, the other family with Rosetta on Concord Avenue? I didn't have to investigate, Donald. They came forth. Both of these women have come forth. Well, how can I reasonably be expected to support two families under two different names, while only having the income of a disrespected ufologist?

It's just that, and I have to say I'm on the side of the Federal Bureau of Investigation with this one, that while you slept at the hospital under the auspices of a comatose state, you would sneak out often. The security cameras have you in and out. I know what the government claims, Claire. And it's preposterous. It's ridiculous that I would use a life-threatening sickness like a coma as a cover for sneaking out of the hospital and getting married two or more times to two or more different Earth women. Who would do that? You speak eloquently of this other cosmic world to such a degree that the United States of America has not put you behind bars because they are still distilling some of the so-called facts from your past 40 years of experiences.

And some of them are hard to argue. Yeah. For example, Claire, have you ever gone outside at night and seen those white pricks of light? Those are stars. Yes. Okay. Yeah. There's a really big, really bright one. You can't even see it at night, Claire. It's so bright. It's blindingly bright. You can only see it in the day, the sun. The sun is a star. That's one of the things that you brought back from your travels. And hydrogen. Where does this come from, if not from alien intelligence? I was specifically speaking of your groundbreaking work on stickless Velcro.

Is there a genius among us that has come up with stickless Velcro? No. It takes a superior being, Claire, to come up with something that ingenious. Velcro is the greatest thing to come out of the space program. And stickless Velcro would be your greatest claim to having been to space. It's between Velcro and Tang, honestly. It is. And in the same way that alien races have developed stickless Velcro, they've also developed non-orange Tang. Oh. Well, now, wait. This is an exclusive. This is breaking news right here on our Expertise podcast. Are you saying that you have brought back a recipe for Tang that is not orange?

Sure. Yeah. It's one of the delights of being able to travel from planet to planet. In the same way that you go to Mexico for tacos or go to Spain for tacos. I do. Well, someone like me, Claire, who understands the beauty and simplicity of interplanetary travel, I roam from planet to planet just collecting recipes. In fact, I'm putting together a little booklet that I'd love to get up in the show notes if I could. It'd probably only be like 99 cents. And it's got your orange-less Tang. It's got your non-freeze-dried ice cream. See, Dano, this is where I get torn.

I was fully expecting to be interviewing a charlatan and a serial bigamist. But when I hear you talk about space, I get so caught up. I start to become a believer. No matter what Rosetta and Jacqueline have to say. I have one last gotcha question. I'm going to give you the gotcha in advance because I am really only interested in the truthful answer. You disappeared into either space or bed five at Orlando Regional Hospital at the age of two and woke up at 45. And you were with aliens that whole time. How did you learn to speak English? Oh, I feel like this is a gotcha.

I feel, ladies and gentlemen, that we are on the verge of a gotcha question. I have both CIA and FBI agents at the door just waiting for the answer of this moment. Night school. Where is space? When you look up, is it not night? Oh, my gosh. So I signed up for some auxiliary classes for adults. A lot of aliens from other planets. Want to learn the language. They want to enjoy the culture. You'd be surprised just walking down the street, looking around. Many, many of the beings about you are just tourists from other planets. Oh, my goodness. I have to say, listeners, I don't know if I'm a believer, but I know I'm not not one.

I just want to say thank you to all our listeners today who tuned in, especially those with an extreme interest in alien stories. And an extremely powerful signal. Many of our friends on the other realms might be tuning in. You're saying we might have alien listeners tonight? Talk about being probed. The Expertise Spelldrom podcast is free and like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.com and follow us in your favorite podcast app like the expert podcast listener we know you are. Thank you for having me on your podcast, Claire.

It's been a real treat to get to talk about the thing I am an expert in. It's been a delight to have you. It's been a bit. It's been a little bit baffling. I won't lie. I'm hoping that we might get Rosetta or Jacqueline on to the podcast sometime for a follow up. Are we done, Claire? Yes, we are done. Because I am. I did just want to ask real quickly about payment. We're off. I've got. We're not recording. Yeah. So about payment, I've got three children I've got to pay support on. Yeah, no, we don't pay for this podcast. It's you know, it's free. It's really tight for me right now.

The you know, this whole thing is a fake, right? I mean, this is just how I try to make some money on the side. No, I've got two families to support for crying out loud. So you well, I think you should have thought that through before you had two families. I mean, do you have a skill that you could employ and make some money? Yeah, I'm a lying fraud. That's my skill. And it's paid pretty well so far. What's happened? I just spent an hour with you. Come on. No, I look. Okay, I can give you 50 bucks. What $25 per family? Yeah. That's $12 per child. Yeah, that's. That's not even hot lunch for two days.

Look, I can't even air this now. How can I morally air this now that I know that you are definitely a fraud? I mean, I was really tipping over to the you might be one of the few that have crossed the cosmos. Well, look, I'll tell you what. Have me back on double my fee, and I'll make it even more persuasive. What am I going to double your fee of nothing? No wonder you can't pay for your children's food and bread. Claire, are you married? Yes, I am married. Let me tell you what I did. Because when I was married, I was perfectly happy. I love my wife and I love my children.

Which ones? The first ones. This is where I'm going. Okay. But you know, after a while, you just start thinking, is this all there is? You know, you meet somebody, and one thing leads to another. And before you know it, you've got another family, another house, and you've got to earn another $12.50 per hot lunch. Dan, you're not going to convince me to move to Utah, no matter what kind of fast talking scheme. No, you don't even have to move to Utah. You just sort of have to open your mind. Well, I mean, I could use more of a handyman. Carson is a real intellectualist, but you can't show him a nail or a hammer without squeals of terror.

Claire, I've got a Craftsman Toolkit, and that's not even what it is.