The Girl Scout Cookies Expertease

Our audience tonight is composed mostly of Girl Scouts and podcast guest, Clare Sera. That's your Expertise, spelled wrong, naturally. And since you specialize in Girl Scout cookies, I thought we could probe your area, pardon, of expertise. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong, the podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Expert comedy writer, Clare Sera, and expert comedy writer, Danno Sullivan, bring their expertise to other unrelated expertises. Welcome to the podcast, dear listeners. I am your host, Danno Sullivan, and my special guest today is a Girl Scout cookie entrepreneur, Clare Sera.

Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be on this podcast. I really am grateful that you would take time to interview someone like me who's just starting out. I'm an entrepreneur-esque. I'm just beginning to make my mark in the world and really want to get my product out there and want to make people feel good. You sound so excited. Honestly, you sound like you're bucking for a merit badge. Is that the case? I'm not bucking for anything. I'm a good Girl Scout. I would never go against the rules. I think you misunderstood bucking. Yeah. All right. We'll leave it at that.

Clare, you are an adult in charge of a local Girl Scout troop. They are called troops, right? Like monkeys. We have gotten our official designation as a troop recently. Congratulations. Troop 1,422. Now, are they numbered sequentially from the first troop to number 1,142? No, no. You're numbered according to your level of skill. So that's either very high or very low. Yeah, that's exactly right. Thank you. How many girls are in your troop currently, Clare? We have over four girls in our troop at the current moment. Over four? Yeah. Well, once again, congratulations.

It sounds like you're really making headway. Yeah. Making headway is the fifth girl. She hasn't been officially accepted. She needs one more badge. She hasn't finalized her Pea in a Bush badge yet. Her nether regions are super sensitive, and she keeps choosing poison ivy. When they say don't go in the poison ivy, they mean don't go in the poison ivy. Don't go in it. And she has went. So we're waiting for the swelling to go down so she can fit into her uniform. And as soon as that happens, we will have five girls in Troop 1,422, and we will be ready to take on the world and deliver cookies to your neighborhood.

Clare, that is so delightful, and your approach is unique. Most of the other, I will say, larger Girl Scout troops just follow the same cookie cutter pattern. They get their cookies delivered from corporate headquarters, factory-made cookies, all of the same design, all of the same recipe, and all packaged in plastic and cardboard. Right. I love what you're doing with your girls. You've taken one of headway's family recipes, and you're making your own cookies to sell to the public. Our own cookies and with today's flavors, you know, because we're a Girl Scout troop of today, and our young girls have got strong ideas for what's delicious, you know, and it's not the same.

This year, the girls voted, and it was a tie because we have four girls, and it was really awkward until Maisie gets her peanut bush bag, but Maisie... Who was it? Oh, I thought her name was Hedway. Yeah, Maisie Hedway. Oh, Maisie Hedway, okay. So with four girls, the votes can split right down the middle, right? But you know what? Our girls are learning about democracy at the same time as they're learning how to use a KitchenAid, and that's what I think is really important for the women of tomorrow. So our first flavors that we have voted on for this year are avocado toast.

Are you all doing the peach chutney this year? Peach chutney, absolutely. And then our last flavor is creme pat, named after Pat, the very first girl in our Girl Scout, 1,422. So when I flip through your little troop annual, it's so cute to see the girls here, but Pat's from the picture looks way too old to be a Girl Scout. I mean, she looks like a great big grownup, and it says here that she's married to her second husband and has three kids. Yeah. Yeah, Pat is 48. 48, yeah. Yeah. I was not gonna put an age on it, but yeah, she looks easily over 12. Yeah, no, Pat is 48 years old chronologically, but that's why we love her, because to be a great Girl Scout cookie seller and maker, you just need enthusiasm, and Pat has that in spades.

Now, Claire, you bring up a really interesting point. It seems like a lot of the girls are not that interested in baking at home, when there's easy, corporate-provided peanut butter, mint thins. You know, girls' desires are changing. What's fun for girls today is changing, and if it's... They don't like baking. Well... What girl gets an Easy-Bake Oven now as a gift? Yeah, well, and we've had a lot of other challenges with the Girl Scouts this year, you know, but we've matched not only our new cookie flavors to try to get them excited, but also we have updated our uniforms.

They're now non-gendered, the uniforms. It is a unisex covering with one leg. So that's really gonna hamper mobility. But it's really gonna enhance non-genderity. They're pods. They are pods, Girl Pods of America. So if you're calling them Girl Pods, I sort of feel like that's undermining your idea of making them less gender-named. Would you call them Pod Pods? Pod Pods. I think it's wonderful that you're providing these individualized cookies and services, but that's got to cut into the profits, and after all, you are raising money for the Pod Pods of America, right?

You know, I myself personally don't focus on money as much as I focus on the joy in a Girl Pod's eyes when she has accomplished something, such as making a cookie and selling it, giving it to somebody else to enjoy. Let me interject and play the devil's advocate here. If the goal is accomplishment, why do you need to have the satisfaction of selling? Why is not the accomplishment just to bake the cookie? Why not bake the cookie, eat the cookie, get the merit badge? There is no merit without commerce, Daniel. That's Ezekiel 1215. Which is what Girl Scouts are based on, the book of Ezekiel.

Not in the Bible, the book of Ezekiel in the Bhagavad Gita. Now I'm looking here in your pamphlet again, and this dessert treat just sounds delicious, the Baklava Vita. So is that based on the historical precedents? Yes, those are the historical presidents of the world who all love to eat a Baklava Vita. Oh, all the presidents? Yeah, all the presidents men. Now hang on. This is getting a lot deeper than I realized. You're suggesting that there's an entire political level that most people have never even heard about. The presidents of the world. Yes. I'm probably talking more than I should.

I had so many creme of pat cookies this morning. That'll get you hopped right up. But the Girl Scouts have a very strong connection with the presidents of the world. You know, the presidents of the world, they're all dads, and they have to buy those cookies. So I'm still not completely clear on the function or the official status of president of the world. I know that many countries have a president. In the United States where I live, Claire, we have a president. And I know you're in Canada. Do you have a president or do you have a sovereign? We have a prime minister who reports to the president of the world.

Oh, now we're getting somewhere. This is my question. What's the hierarchy? Well, the president of the world is the top. So let me get this straight. Walk me through the hierarchy. Where I live. I live in New Mexico. Santa Fe? I live in Santa Fe. We have a mayor of Santa Fe. He's recognizable by his top hat and his silken sash. Yeah, absolutely. Above the mayor is the governor of the state. She is recognizable by her wide white wig, her dangling earrings, her neck rings she wears to extend her neck, and some high wooden heels that she wears to elevate herself above the floodwaters.

There are 50 states plus Puerto Rico. And we have a president who presides over all of those governors. That president is recognizable by his distinctive eyewear, which allows him to see behind as he's walking. Very interesting. His 1890s collar, which he wears over a 1970s shirt, and his transportation via motorboat wherever he goes, water-based or not. Above that, we've got the pope. Oh, in America? No, no, not in America. All the countries have their leaders. Right, right, right. And then over all the country leaders is the pope. Is the pope, right. And there's the anti-pope.

Mm-hmm, and uncle pope. So you're telling me that above the popes is a president of the world. Absolutely, yes. And that's who founded the Girl Pods of America. I forgot that's what we were talking about. Yeah, and they are the- Who is the current president? You know I can't tell you that. Is that why you brought me on this podcast? Wait, are you telling me that the president of the world is a secret position? Have you heard of it before? No, but I didn't expect something so important and so secret to be revealed on the 87th most popular podcast in Peru on the topic of Girl Scout cookies.

It's not that it is secret because obviously I feel free to talk about the knowledge I have about it, but it's not secret. It is undisclosed. I want to have you assassinated right now. That's one of the flavors of our next batch of Girl Scout cookies, assassinator. What's the taste of- Like death coming your way. Oh, just a little hint of John Wilkes Booth. I did hear a little bit of a story about an attempted assassination on the president of the world through a poisoned pod pod Girl Scout cookie. Were you by any chance in any way involved if you can talk about this scandal?

I was involved. Oh, you don't seem shy about it at all. No, I'm not shy about it. I have a book coming out. Were you making good trouble? I was making good trouble. Thank you for quoting John Lewis. And thank you for knowing about the scandal associated with my Girl Scout troop about this assassination of the president of the world when you had never heard of the president of the world before inviting me on. So I would like to say hoodwinked. What? Welcome to Hoodwinked, a new podcast. Well, folks, I didn't expect it to happen, but it happened to me. You've been hoodwinked.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It turns out my guest today is not a Girl Scout leader at all, but a sound effects maker. Wah, wah, wah, boop. Makes the sounds of a game show suddenly happening. It's the silliest prank you've ever seen. It happens on podcasts all the time. I guess I was just another victim of the hoodwink. Weep, weep, weep, weep, weep, weep. Well, Claire, I have to say I'm a little disappointed because I was rooting for those four girls of yours. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I was surprised how long you went along with it, to be honest, Anna. There was really nothing that made any sense in anything that I said.

But such a joy to have you on our show. Hoodwink. Weep, weep, weep. Boop, boop. Listen to those sound effects. The whole time I thought I was having Claire on my show, she was having me on hers. Who's been had? Well, I guess that means we'll have to sign off together since we're doing two shows simultaneously. So thank you. Thank you for joining us on Hoodwinked. Hoosbert Woodwinked. Spelled wrong, podcast is free and like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.co and follow us in your favorite podcast app like the Hoosbert Woodwinked.

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