The Say-Say-Séance Expertease

Clare Sera, our audience tonight is composed mostly of seance lovers. And that's your Expertise. Spelled wrong? Naturally. You're listening to Expertise, spelled wrong. The podcast where the world's most expert experts discuss their areas of expertise expertly. Expert comedy writer Clare Sera and expert comedy writer Danno Sullivan bring their expertise to other unrelated expertises. Welcome, welcome one and all to the podcast Expertise. I'm your host Danno Sullivan. And my guest today is Clare Sera, who is a world-renowned expert in the subject of seances.

The communication with other realms beyond this life. Danno, how I got into this world is rather interesting and not the usual manner, most people do come in through either having an encounter themselves with something they believe is from another realm, from another dimension or longing for that. Mine was a simple error. Oh, a clerical error? Yes. I was engaged to a cleric. I see. That sounds like an error already. Stay away from those guys. One evening he was rather in his cups and he introduced me instead of his fiance as his seance. Oh, as a seance. He had a terrible, terrible lisp.

We realized at that dinner, both that, that he couldn't get married. Wait, why? He had taken a vow of celibacy. Oh, it was one of those religions. I wasn't sure which type of cleric it was. Yeah. He was a fifth day Adventist. And they can only get married on the fifth day. Sounds like you'd already been together for six or seven. Exactly. Exactly right. We'd passed the fifth day. Oh, so he was a pastor. And I felt it was a sign when, when he introduced me as his seance say. So that must have put a lot of weight on you. I did put a lot of weight on a very stressful time.

One day you're a fiance and just a bride to be, the next day you're a seance and suddenly expected to know all about the other worlds, the other realms. I scrambled. I absolutely scrambled. I dyed my wedding dress black and started inviting people into my living room. There is a lot about sort of the, uh, the visuals that go along with the seance. It's got to have that sort of gloomy funereal vibe to it. I, I do believe that they do much better business if they cheered things up a little bit. Well, Dano, it's a psychological getting yourself psyched up to be a psychic.

You got to psych up to be a psychic. Exactly. That's, uh, the lead song in the Broadway musical about my life story. That will be opening. I can't wait to hear about that. Um, until the actual Gothic age came to be, there was no Gothic atmosphere. I feel like as long as there's been dead people, there must have been spirits assuming this whole thing is not fraudulent. But that's your feeling, Dano. You see, I'm an expert. I don't go just by feelings. So you've had to do some fact-based finding to really delve into this world. The first thing that I did was I locked myself in a coffin and put myself in the basement of a church.

That was very hard because I put myself in the coffin first. So I just had to inch and shove myself along. Yeah. Sort of like scooting a chair. Exactly. Right. Except you were scooting the coffin. It took me four days. By the way, I know you referenced your Broadway musical based on your life and scooting the coffin, that whole dance number is fantastic. It's a real standout. Thank you. Claire, that makes me think about an unusual type of seance, which is the pet seance. For example, I grew up on a farm in Missouri and there was a fox that I used to see just running around through those fields and then one day that fox just never showed up again and I always wondered, you know, maybe if there was a way, was there some way that I could get back in touch with, with Foxy?

Danno, would you like to try that right now? Uh, a part of me says yes, but a big part of me says this is a little too freaky. I love the idea of being able to communicate with Foxy and reliving that lost part of my childhood, but I am terrified of an actual seance and what I might see. Is, is the Ouija board a possibility? The Ouija board is absolutely. The Ouija board is, um, it's the easiest way for me to tell you what you want to hear. That sounds ideal. That's really what I want to hear is what I want to hear. Now, the thing is, it's a fox. I'm pretty sure he would never have learned to spell.

Oh, we would just use the fox. There's a specialty Ouija board for foxes? Yes. Yes. I have a Ouija board for almost every pet you can think of. So what would the differences be in a Ouija board for a fox, say, uh, compared to a Ouija board for a mule? So a fox is going to want to communicate certain things that a mule is not. A fox is going to want to talk about chickens and it's white paws. You're making me think of Foxy. Right? Fox is going to be, it's going to have wily thoughts. And so we have pictures on the board of things that a fox might want to say to And we'll say, Dano, I'm going to be, I'm going to be honest with you.

A fox coming back is going to tell you that A, he doesn't remember you. Uh, he never really took note of you. But that's what I admired about Foxy so much was just that carefree Dano may care attitude. You know, he also kind of resented the name you gave him. Said you didn't put a lot of thought into it. I, I used two Xs. It was F-O-X-X-Y. I thought that was for an animal that couldn't spell. I thought that was very generous. He didn't like it. So is Foxy with us now, Claire? Foxy is with us now. And the fox board is moving. Whoa, you're creeping me out. Foxy.

I'm sorry. I shot at you with that BB gun. It's taking a little, a little time to answer this because he's only got one good eye to find those symbols. In your Broadway show, Claire, are there any spiritual appearances during the show itself? Or would that just be too much of a vagary to rely on night after night? Well, you're right with the word rely. They are not reliable. I went to see a production of A Christmas Carol. That's the one where the three ghosts appear over three nights to teach Scrooge the importance of the way he's living or not living. And this was, I think, probably the only other production where they were trying to use actual ghosts to play those parts.

And, uh, you know, the ghost of Christmas present showed up. The ghost of Christmas past showed up and that we're all just waiting around for the ghost of Christmas is yet to be. They did everything they could to invoke that spirit. And no matter what, there was just that awkward time on stage with people kind of ad-libbing, trying to fill the time. And to a spirit, time means nothing. We were there literally for three months, Claire. They had to serve snacks. It's very hard in all aspects to do anything that requires any kind of, uh, Oh, sorry. I was just contacted by a spirit.

Yeah. Yes. Just there. And the way you said, uh, it was so musical. Thank you. Thank you. Are some of the songs in your Broadway musical inspired that way through a spirit contact and making your throat grunt? All of them, all of them were caused by that. Do you take credit for originating the throat grunt? I mean, I'll take credit if it's going to be given to me. Oh, but it's another one of those gifts from the other realm. It is a gift from the other realm. They really created the sound for this whole musical. What does it say though, that you have to be in a weakened state of mind to experience this other realm?

See, isn't that interesting, Diana, where you come from? Uh, and I mean, where you come from spiritually, that you would say that that's a weakened state. Oh, I just meant on a weekend. Cause I've only attended seances on the weekend. Well, you do have to be in a weekend state, which is Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho. Great places to be on the weekend. Dano, I have not revealed this yet. I've chosen your podcast to let the world know that while I am credited with writing the book of this play, I did not write it alone. I wrote this via the medium of the spirits. Oh, were there any famous spirits that helped you?

Any famous authors perhaps? Yep. There was Lily. Lily Langtree? Lily Langtree. She wasn't an author. No, she always wanted to be. Oh, so this was her chance to live a dream as you were living your dream. That's right. Also, um, Horton Foote. Horton Foote. Is he dead? He is. He is. Um, he has passed on, but very active. He wrote, as he told me many times, you know, he wrote the script for To Kill a Mockingbird. Oh, so were you able to reuse some of those words? Yeah, we did. We used a lot of the dialogue between Scout and Dill. So that would explain the song To Kill a Mockingbird in the middle of your play about spirits.

I thought it was an unusual choice, a brave choice, but not one that I really understood. He was really attached to that project that he'd worked on. I had a really tough time letting it go. But you know, you discover something that works. Why change? That's right. And I was just thrilled to be collaborating. Ladies and gentlemen, here on Expertise, we've been talking with The Otherworld and Claire Sarah. Thanks for being our guest today. Thank you, Dano. The Expertise Spelldrom podcast is free and like the Amish, all are welcome. Be sure to sign up for our email announcements at funnypodcast.com and follow us in your favorite podcast app, like the Expert Podcast Listener we know you are.

Claire, I'm thinking of a number between one and a thousand. Can the spirits guide you to it? Dano, hold, hold on, please. That's throat grunting, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, Claire's developing a, what I'm seeing now is almost uncanny. The Claire's outward appearance is actually changing as I watch, as the throat grunting becomes more extreme, her cheekbones are extending, and I believe she's growing a top hat. Her shoulders have dropped down below her elbows and now her eyes are slowly opening and it looks like she's about to produce a number. Six hundred and sixty-three.

I think it's maybe ancient Aramaic. I can't make it out. Sextuplet. Sextuplet. That was my number. That was my number. The number of siblings I was born with. Oh my goodness. That, that Claire was beyond uncanny. That was downright canny.